Forgiveness Matters

Saturday, January 14th, 2012

Forgiveness is something that I think is often mis-understood and because of that, often over-looked or put on the back burner. However, it’s my firm belief that before healing can happen forgiveness must begin.

So, let’s talk about forgiveness.  First and foremost offering forgiveness is not, absolutely not condoning the incident which offended or hurt you. That’s really important, so I will repeat it. Forgiving does not mean saying that what occurred was alright! What forgiveness means is that you no longer feed energy into the pain, hurt; resistance and you allow healing to begin.

Ahhhh, we’re getting to the meat of the matter right off. Healing. That’s what forgiveness is all about, at least in my mind. Here’s how I see it.

Let’s create a scenario. Let’s say that someone has said something truly hurtful to me, hurtful enough to wound me deeply. Ouch! While I am hurting I find that I withdraw my energy. A bit like a turtle may pull his head into his shell to prevent further injury. Perhaps I go over the words again and again, feeling the wound, reliving the words each time. It hurts!

As time goes by, I may well find myself becoming angry. Anger is not a bad thing, it’s simply an emotion and there are real and valid reasons to feel anger. For one thing it’s got a higher vibration that the desolation and depression that I was likely feeling just one paragraph ago. It’s normal, reasonable and completely human to feel anger. But what to do with it? If I keep feeling it but do not express the anger, it can become very toxic. Stuffing the anger can actually make me sick, physically, and emotionally. Simple fact here, it is healthier for me to find a safe way to express that anger. When I feel the appropriate, healthy way to begin to release the anger, it’s a bit like pulling the plug in a water filled tub. The resistance, strong energy begins to dissipate. Perhaps the turtle once again considers sticking his head out of his shell.

This is all part of the forgiveness process. I forgive so that I feel better. Simple as that. When I decide to forgive, and yes, for me it is often a very deliberate, conscious decision, I begin to feel better. That easier, more gentle feeling makes way for healing.

In the scenario painted above, I have been hurt. The words that were spoken may or may not be valid. Finding a healthy, safe way to release the resistance, the energy that is my anger, allows me to determine the truth or falsehood of the words spoken. That feels a bit better. Regardless of what I decide, I am still hurt by the words that were said to me. There’s work for me to do.

I begin by honestly acknowledging to myself that I have been hurt. For me that can take a bit of work as I would really prefer to pretend that I’m too tough to be hurt by others. Not so, the truth is that I am as human as the next person. I’ve been hurt, I’ve gotten angry. Both acknowledged and felt. For me the next step is to look for a blessing in this situation. This part really irks some people, and I get it, really I do. But I do believe that there is a blessing or a lesson if you prefer,  in each and every happening, even those which hurt us deeply. Again, returning to the above scenario, I would ask myself what the blessing or lesson looks like. Perhaps there was truth in the words expressed to me; can I learn from the words? Or it could be that the hurtful words were totally bogus, perhaps the lesson is that the person who uttered these falsehoods feels safe enough to express themselves to me. It could simply be that this person is not good for me and I need to say away from them. Maybe, none of these fit, I will search until I find what resonates with me.

Finding a blessing allows me to feel somewhat better; I begin to feel stronger as forgiveness begins. The energy that doesn’t feel very good, the resistance begins to be released, and healing is starting to happen.  That’s what forgiveness is, healing. The hurt, anger, bitterness energizes me in a way that feels pretty crummy to me, but finding a blessing, learning a lesson, deliberately deciding to look for a truth allows that icky energy, that resistance to begin to go away. Remember that water filled tub I talked about above? Well, the plug isn’t all the way out, the tub isn’t empty. But the trickle has begun and it feels good. That’s what forgiveness is about, feeling better. And beginning to heal. This has not one thing to do with whether or not the person was justified in saying what they did. Not for one moment would I condone deliberately hurting someone with an untruth. But if the words were true, I can learn from them. If they were false, then I have taken the time to find the blessing, to learn a lesson.

Another little phrase that causes a lot of trouble is ‘forgive and forget’. I’m not a fan at all. My dog teaches me a very simple lesson about that, because animals offer unconditional love. They get hurt, but they learn the lesson, forgive and move on. If I’m out walking with Indiana and he keeps walking in front of me, there’s a very good chance his foot will get stepped on. He learns the lesson, forgives and walks alongside of me. But he doesn’t forget! He remembers that if he walks in front of me his toes will get smashed.

We can take a lesson from this. If forgetting serves us well, then we will forget in time, easily and effortlessly. However, if the words brought a lesson that we can use, by all means, keep it in your memory. Again, let’s return to the original scenario. If the words spoken to me were hurtful for the simple reason that person has their own ‘stuff’ to deal with, then I will likely remember and not put myself into a position to be hurt by them again. However, if the words were true and helpful, I may well remember them, learn from them and recall them when they are again helpful. Forgive; yes. Forget; only if it serves your best and highest good.

I’ve spoken about hurtful words because that seems to me to be the most common wound. But wounds come in all sorts. It could be the wound of a relationship that has ended, the death of someone you cared about, a car wreck or any number of other scenarios. The work is the same. It’s a step by step process. No one size fits all here. There is no time-line. The process may be very fast, a matter of moments, or it could be over years. Whatever is right for you is right.

What are you holding onto? Is there something that you are ready to begin healing from? Big or small, forgiveness is done for you, and it begins with that first step. When you are ready to begin healing, forgiveness is part of the process. And the turtle once again pokes his head out of his shell, going on about his life, wiser and more prepared to life today.

Namaste,

Sandy

Open House – Welcome!

Friday, November 12th, 2010

I want to take this moment to invite one and all to our Open House!

Monday, November 15th

3-7pm

13825 West National Avenue

New Berlin, Wi 53151

Your Hosts

Serenity

Wisconsin Ovarian Cancer Alliance – WOCA

Café of Life Chiropractic

New Berlin Chamber of Commerce

Also Featured

Mary Kay Cosmetics

Shorewest

ANEW

Insight

Miche Purses

Tupperware

…and more

This will be a great opportunity to sample services, ask questions and learn about wonderful services and products.  Some of the services and products featured will be:

Life Coaching – Reiki – Hypnosis – Animal Reiki – Meditation – Vitalistic Chiropractic Care – Cosmetics & Skin Care    Spiritual Coaching – Biofeedback – De-toxifying Footbaths …and so much more!

Wrap up your holiday shopping with purchase of products or gift certificates.

We look forward to seeing you Monday.

Namaste,

Sandy

When I Grow Up I Want To Be More Like My Dog

Monday, October 25th, 2010

I’ve decided that my dog knows quite a bit about living life to the fullest. When he’s tired, he simply heads to his favorite spot in the sun and takes a nap. When he wants his belly rubbed he comes and makes it clear just what he wants. When Indy’s hungry there is no doubt that he would like a meal. You know when Indy’s in the mood to play because he simply starts playing. Smart guy!

Because Indy is so clear about what he wants he is seldom disappointed. Indy is a brilliant life coach! He’s teaching me lessons every day and I’m doing my best to learn from him.

When I work with clients, whether life coaching, Reiki or meditation, I am always encouraging them to practice excellent self-care. While I may forget to practice this myself from time to time, my buddy Indy offers gentle reminders. If I’m a bit too serious, he reminds me that life is to be enjoyed by showing my just how much fun there is to be had in a short wrestling match.

One of the life coaching lessons I continually strive to learn better is to embrace and express certain emotions. While laughter and joy are very easy for me to share other thoughts and emotions are more difficult for me to express. Fear, anger and grief are very difficult for me to share with others or to simply release. In the past I have found that I had a tendency to stuff or simply deny these feelings. Here’s the thing, although I may prefer to deny these emotions they do still exist. The body, mind and spirit has a full range of emotions, and whether I like it or not, my body, mind and spirit will find a way to express these emotions. They are not intended to be denied, bottled up or stuffed. They are there for a reason! A full range of emotions keeps us healthy and it’s vital that we each find a non-destructive way to express these emotions.

What do you do? For me, writing is therapeutic; digging in the dirt, walking and of course being with my buddy Indiana is extremely helpful. When Indy’s sad or upset he doesn’t hesitate to come to me and indicate that he simply wants my company. Sometimes it’s enough for him to just hang out with me, other times he needs some real exercise. I have a lot to learn from my dog.

I am learning, though to be honest I am sometimes a slow learner. At the very young age of 49, I am slowly becoming more comfortable sharing feelings, thoughts and emotions that I have always accepted in others easily. Life coaching, Reiki and meditation have all helped me to understand that being sad or angry is no more destructive or negative when present in my life than they are in anyone else.

This is a good time to acknowledge and appreciate not just my resident life coach Indy, but also dear friends and family. These folks not only allow, but at times even gently prod me to share as much as I feel comfortable. I’m so grateful for that. Equally as important, they do not demand that I share; they simply hold the safe space and remind me that all emotions, thoughts and feelings are welcome and safe. That’s powerful stuff and I can’t say how grateful I am.

Indy reminds me every single day that it’s okay to have a full range of emotions and to share those emotions with others. You will have absolutely no doubt when my buddy is happy, that nub of a tail wags so hard that I’ve often thought how remarkable it is that it’s still attached.

What do you do to express yourself? Do you dance? Perhaps you retreat to a private place with your thoughts…maybe writing is your thing. There are so many ways to express yourself, talk to a loved one, call a friend, laugh and or cry at a movie. Exercise or take a bath, read a book and let your emotions pour themselves out. I don’t know what’s right for you and you may not know at this moment either. If you can’t figure it out by yourself, give me a call and I’ll be happy to help you figure it out.

I’m going to keep studying and allowing my own personal life coach to assist me in this growth, Indy’s really quite good at this whole process. I encourage you to find discover what allows you to express yourself. In the meantime, I will continue to strive to live life more like my dog. In the moment and expressing all emotions to the fullness that is appropriate this very moment.

Namaste,

Sandy

Relax and Recharge Retreat

Wednesday, August 25th, 2010

It’s all about you!

Join us for a weekend dedicated to giving you time to relax, rejuvenate and reconnect with your soul.

Your hosts Sandy Walden, Holistic Life Coach and Reiki Master, Teacher along with Melissa Heisler Personal and Business Coach are dedicated to providing you with group activities as well as one on one time.

This retreat is intended to encourage you to put yourself first as you rest, relax and rejuvenate. You may participate in meditation or yoga, create your personal vision board, enjoy a stress-relieving Reiki session, and release old patterns with PSYCH-K, journal, read, take walks or simply nap. All while sharing the company of other strong, nurturing women.

While there are many activities offered there is no fixed schedule as flexibility and serving your needs is top priority. No rules, simply opportunities.

Healthy meals and snacks will be provided.

Gathering time – Friday, October 15 @ 12 noon
Departure time – Sunday, October 17 @ 3pm

Location – Galena, IL
Cost – $300.00

For more information regarding the retreat, please contact Sandy at (414) 378.8764 or Serenity@SandyWalden.com.

What do You Prefer?

Sunday, June 27th, 2010

Everything is coming up roses!

I believe that we live the life that we ask for. We ask with our thoughts, so be careful what you think.

It seems to me that more and more people are becoming aware, or being reawakened to what I believe is an absolute fact, the universe operates on the law of attraction. What does this law say? Very simply, that our thoughts are magnetic attractors which draw to us the life that we are living. Our thoughts form our beliefs and our beliefs become our reality.

Huh? If that’s your response, bear with me here and we’ll explore this a bit more. Have you ever been worried about something in your life and given yourself a headache? Who do you think created that headache? Have you had the experience of driving to an appointment telling yourself the entire time that ‘I just know I’m going to be late!’ and then arrived late? Why do you think that you lived out your thoughts, fate?¬¨‚Ć We’ve all heard about medical studies, group A is given a medication, group B is given a sugar pill or some sort of neutral ‘medication’, but still group B achieves some excellent response? Ah, yes, the placebo effect.

We’ve got excellent reasons for each of the results above, and we usually say things like ‘of course I’ve got a headache, I’m upset’ or ‘placebo effect means it’s not real, it’s all in your head’. Hmmm, it seems to me that if I believe that being upset results in a headache then doesn’t that mean that my mental or emotional state has brought about my current¬¨‚Ć physical reality? Let’s go further with the placebo effect, there are many research papers written verifying that the placebo effect, means that results are achieved. Love that! Follow this link for a very powerful article on the placebo effect. http://bit.ly/NR69

This is the premise that we begin with when we gather for the MasterMind groups. Here’s the skinny on how it all works. We gather in a group of no more than five (5) people so that there is time for each participant to share effectively. We spend a short time sharing what is going on in our lives and then we quickly move to sharing the way we would prefer our lives to unfold. Here’s where the power comes in…are you ready? We have already affirmed our belief that we can create our lives with our beliefs, we believe that when we combine our intentions, agreeing to see specific results for one another and asking our Higher Power to bring this about that we are amplifying the intention and bringing it faster, stronger and more clearly than if any of us were working individually. All of the participants in the group agree to see or visualize the life that each of the other participants prefers. In other words, if Herb asks me to see him driving an orange VW convertible, I take the time each day to ‘see’ him driving that orange VW convertible, knowing that his preferences are coming to him now.¬¨‚Ć We always acknowledge and appreciate with sincere gratitude the successes which have come about in each of our lives. We hold onto that knowledge and appreciation when holding our intentions for one another. It’s very powerful.

The upshot of all of this? We are now leading our lives much more intentionally. The awareness that we create our lives with our thoughts and beliefs is an eye-opening and very exciting experience. It encourages us to be mindful of our thoughts, the words we speak and the state of mind that we maintain. If I would like my life to be rosey in all aspects,  I simply intend that  everything I experience will be rosey.  Awesome!

This week I encourage you to get clear about how you would like your life to unfold. As for me, I intend and expect  that everything is coming up roses.

Namaste,

Sandy

Strengths and Weaknesses

Saturday, September 6th, 2008

From the time we are little we are finding that we are really good at some things, and not so good at others. That’s normal and perfectly okay!

As we get a little older we start learning that the skills that come naturally and easily to us are usually the things that we are good at and they are called our strengths. We may struggle with other tasks or skills and these are generally called our weaknesses. It seems that from that time on we are told that we need to work on these weaknesses.

Fast forward to adulthood and the lives we lead. It seems that the emphasis is still on our weaknesses, seldom on our strengths. I would encourage you to not spend quite so much time working on the things that you struggle with, unless of course they are basic skills necessary for life.

Building on natural strengths, skills and talents. That’s where I would suggest that the energy be spent. For instance, perhaps you love writing, but hate working with numbers. Since you love to write a fascinating story it makes sense to build on this, research education and career options, from journalism to child book author, check it all out and see what appeals to you. Then run with it!

Now, I’m not saying that you should ignore all weaknesses. You may hate to work with numbers, but you still need to be proficient enough in basic math to double check you receipts, balance your checkbook, etc. The basics need to be in place to keep your life manageable. But after those basics are covered, I say work on your strengths.

When we embrace our natural talents, work becomes play. We come to love what we do and when we truly enjoy our work and are good at it, that’s when we are the most likely to make good money. Making good money gives us more options in the rest of our life. It goes on and on and on.

So, I suggest that we all work on our strengths, enjoy them, bask in the feeling of doing what we love and enjoy the sweet rewards that come along.

Wishing you a day spent discovering that your strengths and talents can also bring you great pleasure.

With warmth,
Sandy

Loyalty Leader

Saturday, September 6th, 2008

Yesterday I attended a Chamber of Commerce meeting. The speaker was Ms. Debra Schmidt, owner of Loyalty Leader, Inc. Her talk was directed to businesses, owners and managers but everything she spoke about applies to us equally on a personal level.

Ms. Schmidt spoke about treating clients as valued people. Looking them in the eye when they speak and giving them your undivided attention while you are having your conversation. She talked about keeping your promises, something that most take very seriously in business. Unfortunately, sometimes when we are dealing with friends or family we don’t take our promises as seriously, thinking they will give us a pass. As a life coach I would suggest that you make your relationship with family and friends just as important.

Ms. Schmidt gave many good tips and suggestions in her hour talk. Recognize and appreciate your clients, be sure not to stereotype clients, remember to treat them as individuals. Be willing to admit mistakes and take steps to remedy those mistakes. Give sincere compliments to co-workers in front of others. Thank co-workers and clients alike, again, always with sincerity.

As you can see, while Ms. Schmidt was talking about good customer service and good workplace behavior, every one of these examples also applies to our personal lives. We know that pre-judging and stereotyping people gets us in big trouble, after all we’ve heard since we were small that it’s a huge mistake to judge a book by it’s cover and no two people are ever just alike so stereotyping is bound to be wrong. When we admit that we’ve made a mistake and take steps to correct it, not only do we feel better about ourselves, but those that are involved in the situation usually appreciate the honesty as well. Sincere compliments are wonderful! After all, who doesn’t like to hear that they are wonderful? I know I sure do appreciate hearing that I’ve done a great job on the gardens, or that my new red sneakers are fabulous. And here’s one of the best things about compliments, not only does the receiver feel fabulous but so does the person offering the compliment. And of course we all know that our mom’s told us to thank others for what they have done for us or given to us. Once again, mom was right. The person being thanked knows that you appreciate them, they feel good and are much more likely to do something else that’s nice for someone else or even for you again. And as a bonus, you feel terrific for putting that extra sparkle in their eye.

I’d like to suggest that anyone who would like to learn more about building customer loyalty visit Ms. Schmidt’s website www.TheLoyaltyLeader.com. And remember, what’s good for the customer is almost always good for our family and friends as well. Thank you Ms. Schmidt, for sharing with all of us.

For today, remember to treat your family and friends at least as good as your clients, I assure you that you will feel fabulous tonight as you brush your teeth and think about your day.

With warmth,
Sandy

Politics

Thursday, September 4th, 2008

Well, we have jumped off of the deep end here in the United States. The election for our next president is in two (2) months. How exciting! I love politics and this year is historic on so many levels.

For the very first time we have an African-American man running for the office of president. We also have a woman running for the office of vice-president.

Now I know that there are many people who dislike this season for many reasons. The advertisements sometimes become incredibly negative, hinting at truths but not sharing all pertinent facts. But here is the exciting part. We have the opportunity to vote for and elect the pair that we feel will best lead our country for the next four (4) years. The speeches and debates are often televised and we have the opportunity to get to know our future leaders much more than was possible just a generation ago. I really like that!

This is our opportunity to coach ourselves. We can empower ourselves in so many ways. ourselves. Learn about the people running for office. Listen to speeches of both parties whenever possible, watch the debates and pay attention to not just the answers but also the body language of the participants. Many of us have already selected the pair we hope will win the election, but many others still have not made up their mind. I encourage you to discuss the issues with friends, especially those who have viewpoints that are generally different from yours. Keep an open mind and a fair and civil tongue; there will be many opportunities to share and learn from each other.

Election time is the perfect time to practice some of the skills you may have been learning. Empower yourself by educating yourself on the issues and where the candidates stand. Assert yourself by sharing and discussing your thoughts and opinions with others without being negative. Remember to listen carefully to what others are saying to you about their feelings and thoughts. You have the ability to keep these discussions positive. This is a time that is filled with important life lessons, we just have to pay attention and participate.

Enjoy this historic event, remember that you have the fabulous opportunity to voice your opinion this November, and it does matter.

Warmly,
Sandy

Live for Today

Monday, August 25th, 2008

Do you have special things that you are saving to use on a special day?

When I got married I received crystal bowls, glasses, etc. I love glass and they were beautiful. However, my husband and I were not holding any formal dinners to use our beautiful crystal, we were much more likely to have casual backyard BBQ’s.

When our boys got to be the age of curiosity they wanted to know all about the pretty glass. Well, it occurred to me one day that it was to be used!! It had not been given to us to sit in a cabinet, but rather to be used and enjoyed. From that day forward, we made a huge salad a few times a week in one of the beautiful bowls. If there was dessert, pudding, Jell-O, ice cream, you name it; we served it in the pretty bowls or glasses. It made the boys feel so grown up and trusted and very special to use the beautiful glassware. And I loved seeing it used.

My point is that we all have special things‚ that we are saving for a special day. Why not make today your special day? Wear your favorite dress! Have that favorite wine, call those friends that you think about but never find the time to call. It’s tough not to feel wonderful when you are wearing your finery, talking to your favorite people and smiling all the time.

Everyday is a wonderful gift. We don’t know if we will be here tomorrow. So of course make plans for your future, but be sure to live for today. Now is what is important!  Smile, relax, and speak with love and hope and compassion. Enjoy the moment and you will find yourself going to bed tonight with a beautiful smile and a feeling of calm, joy and serenity.

I wish for you a fabulous day spent enjoying the now.

Warmly,
Sandy

A Little Help From Your Friends

Tuesday, August 19th, 2008

It’s important to surround yourself with people who are supportive of your goals, whatever those goals may be. If you want to drop a few pounds, you would be wise to avoid people who exist solely on potato chips and sweets. You know that would be setting yourself up to fail, so you simply don’t do it.

Look around you for your own life coach. This could be your spouse, parent, child, friend, someone you know from the workplace, etc. The key is to be sure that this person sees your goal in the same light and is completely supportive, positive and reassuring.

This is also a great opportunity to connect with someone you may want to get to know better or simply spend more time with. If you are trying to loose those couple of pounds, perhaps a co-worker would like to spend part of lunch time walking. Or taking a bike ride every evening with your child. If you find that person who is also trying to accomplish the same goal you have taken your first step. Keep this time spent together positive. When this time is upbeat you will find yourself looking forward to the activity, making it much more likely that you will continue the activity. Share with your friend or ‘coach’ exactly what you are trying to accomplish and be sure that you are an inspiring, positive coach for your partner as well.

There’s nothing we can’t accomplish if we have the right attitude and surround ourselves with people who share the same vision.

Wishing you a fabulous day as you discover the wonderful coaches already in your life.

With warmth,
Sandy