Empathy - the action of understanding, being aware of, being sensitive to, and experiencing the feelings, thoughts, and experience of another.

Compassion - sympathetic consciousness of others’ distress together with a desire to alleviate it. 

Thank goodness for those who surround us with compassion! It’s so helpful to know that there are those who care about us who are not empathetic; they don’t personally know our pain, but care about us deeply. That’s compassion.

Support – to hold in position so as to keep from falling, sinking or slipping.

Ahhh, perhaps the key is to interact with others who are able to provide empathy or/and compassion combined with support.

Traveling the journey of grief into healing is not something easily done alone. When someone offers us empathy, it makes a huge difference. Having the experience of someone looking us in the eye and saying ‘Yes, I get it. I truly know what you are going through.’ Offers comfort as it relieves a bit of pressure. The sufferer understands that they are not alone; others have felt this pain as well. Validating the thoughts and feelings, allowing the sufferer to be witnessed, to be heard.

When it turns out that the person cares about our feelings, we experience the healing of compassion. Our pain matters, someone cares enough to reach out and let us know that they are here for us.

Support. Hearing that others have been through similar pain is not enough. Knowing that others care about our pain is not enough. Combined with support. The open arms offering warm hugs. The card that reminds us we are not forgotten. The written, spoken or silently communicated message that ‘I care’ means so much that there is no way to express it adequately.

Not everyone will offer empathy. Thank goodness, not everyone has suffered the same pain. Not everyone is wired to offer compassion. Some simply are not able to broaden their mind and heart to want to alleviate pain. However, nearly everyone is willing and able to offer support.

Perhaps we would benefit from learning how to ask for the support that we want and need. No doubt, it is a very difficult thing for some to ask, while asking comes as easily as breathing for others.  When we are in pain, if we already have difficulty asking for support it becomes even more cumbersome, perhaps overwhelming. At that time, when it is most needed, those people may well not have the support that they truly need.

Each and everyone one of us has experienced pain in our lives. If we are able to remember how it feels to feel alone, even abandoned it may well prompt us to be sure that no one else ever feels alone. On the other hand, if we have experienced strong, loving support; I hope that encourages us to share that support with those that we care about.

Everyone deserves empathy, compassion and support. It changes the way we feel when we are in pain, reminding us that we are not alone. Likewise, these feelings change our experience when we are able to reach out to someone who is hurting. Well worth considering.

Namaste,

Sandy

Fear seems to be the topic of many conversations lately. So, I wanted to share a few thoughts with you. Feel free to weigh in here with your own thoughts and feelings, you have great wisdom; please share.

In the past few months I have been pondering my place at various gatherings. I was feeling mightily intimidated! Although the truth is that it took me a few months to realize that is what I was truly feeling. Yep, the life coach can be very resistant about recognizing her own stuff.

Now let me be very, very clear about this; my feelings of intimidation had nothing to do with anything that anyone else at these gatherings.  It was all self-generated; surprise!

I would listen to people I care about, each of whom is very dear to me and I realized that I was measuring myself against their successes. This one generates this sort of money and has a very successful history of being a financial success – that’s not me, I must be a failure. This one is steadily building her business and we all see her success growing day by day as her client base grows – that’s not me, I must be a failure. This one has released that negative person from her life – that’s not me, I must be a failure. This one has gone through this, that or whatever – that’s not me….I think you get my point.

So, after lots of hours pondering my own issues, I realized that I was intimidated. Had to think that through some more. What did that really mean to me? It meant that I was afraid. Ahhhh, there it is - fear! It’s something that all people deal with, but in many different ways.

After having a chat with one of my dearest friends on the phone about fear of success recently, I felt a though it was time to address this issue of fear. For me, and if it resonates with you, then for you as well.

While I was very busy being intimidated, I was using fear to build that up into something that felt as though I didn’t belong. This gave me the very handy, dandy excuse not to take the time to define success for myself. And if I didn’t define it, then whew, I couldn’t fail. Fear was keeping me from failing, but it was also a very convenient way to avoid measuring my own success. Is it possible that this is true for you? In any aspect of your life?

Here’s the thing, fear – which you realize is no longer in red! Is a very human emotion. Normal and completely reasonable – when it’s kept to its appropriate place. It keeps us from running into traffic and it prevents us from wanting to play with badgers in the wild. I’m pretty sure you’ll all agree that a healthy amount of fear about certain things is appropriate.

First step to dealing with fear is to acknowledge it. So, here goes.

Success – what is your definition? Not how you think any of the rest of will define success, but how do YOU define success? For you and only for you.

- How can you measure that success?

- How will your life change if you are successful?

Beware; that last one is possibly the trickiest question that I ever use in coaching. I really want to encourage you to think about all the aspects of success.

What is someone is working to become free of alcohol. If she is successful and releases alcohol from her life then she will be expected to take on more responsibilities at home, which already feels overwhelming for her. She wants to release alcohol and being free represents success to her, but there is a very strong; perhaps even compelling reason in her mind to keep drinking. She feels incapable of taking on more at home and it is quite a process for her to open herself up to the possibility that perhaps someone else can step up and take on the other responsibilities at home.

Someone else may be experiencing with poor health. While she is suffering loved ones, family and friends call and check in on her. They let her know frequently how much they care about her, she matters in their life. If she gets well, if she is successful – will they go away? There is strong reason for her to stay sick. Working to make those connections regardless of health is how she is overcoming this very real fear which has stood in the way of good health.

Are there any reasons for you to stay in a less than successful position? When you think about all that will change in your experience if you are successful – as defined by you. Please include those that feel good and those that worry you as well.

Are you ready to embrace success? If so, to what degree? How can I support you in your success?

Now I am completely open together on this process. Either privately or in a group. Ng How about you, are you open to welcoming your success?

Are you ready to face fear, face it head on, look fear in the eye and put it back in proportion to what is healthy in your life? I am and I invite you to do the same.

You deserve to be happy, and I mean silly happy! It’s my most sincere desire for you to know that as well.

Namaste,
Sandy

Forgiveness is something that I think is often mis-understood and because of that, often over-looked or put on the back burner. However, it’s my firm belief that before healing can happen forgiveness must begin.

So, let’s talk about forgiveness.  First and foremost offering forgiveness is not, absolutely not condoning the incident which offended or hurt you. That’s really important, so I will repeat it. Forgiving does not mean saying that what occurred was alright! What forgiveness means is that you no longer feed energy into the pain, hurt; resistance and you allow healing to begin.

Ahhhh, we’re getting to the meat of the matter right off. Healing. That’s what forgiveness is all about, at least in my mind. Here’s how I see it.

Let’s create a scenario. Let’s say that someone has said something truly hurtful to me, hurtful enough to wound me deeply. Ouch! While I am hurting I find that I withdraw my energy. A bit like a turtle may pull his head into his shell to prevent further injury. Perhaps I go over the words again and again, feeling the wound, reliving the words each time. It hurts!

As time goes by, I may well find myself becoming angry. Anger is not a bad thing, it’s simply an emotion and there are real and valid reasons to feel anger. For one thing it’s got a higher vibration that the desolation and depression that I was likely feeling just one paragraph ago. It’s normal, reasonable and completely human to feel anger. But what to do with it? If I keep feeling it but do not express the anger, it can become very toxic. Stuffing the anger can actually make me sick, physically, and emotionally. Simple fact here, it is healthier for me to find a safe way to express that anger. When I feel the appropriate, healthy way to begin to release the anger, it’s a bit like pulling the plug in a water filled tub. The resistance, strong energy begins to dissipate. Perhaps the turtle once again considers sticking his head out of his shell.

This is all part of the forgiveness process. I forgive so that I feel better. Simple as that. When I decide to forgive, and yes, for me it is often a very deliberate, conscious decision, I begin to feel better. That easier, more gentle feeling makes way for healing.

In the scenario painted above, I have been hurt. The words that were spoken may or may not be valid. Finding a healthy, safe way to release the resistance, the energy that is my anger, allows me to determine the truth or falsehood of the words spoken. That feels a bit better. Regardless of what I decide, I am still hurt by the words that were said to me. There’s work for me to do.

I begin by honestly acknowledging to myself that I have been hurt. For me that can take a bit of work as I would really prefer to pretend that I’m too tough to be hurt by others. Not so, the truth is that I am as human as the next person. I’ve been hurt, I’ve gotten angry. Both acknowledged and felt. For me the next step is to look for a blessing in this situation. This part really irks some people, and I get it, really I do. But I do believe that there is a blessing or a lesson if you prefer,  in each and every happening, even those which hurt us deeply. Again, returning to the above scenario, I would ask myself what the blessing or lesson looks like. Perhaps there was truth in the words expressed to me; can I learn from the words? Or it could be that the hurtful words were totally bogus, perhaps the lesson is that the person who uttered these falsehoods feels safe enough to express themselves to me. It could simply be that this person is not good for me and I need to say away from them. Maybe, none of these fit, I will search until I find what resonates with me.

Finding a blessing allows me to feel somewhat better; I begin to feel stronger as forgiveness begins. The energy that doesn’t feel very good, the resistance begins to be released, and healing is starting to happen.  That’s what forgiveness is, healing. The hurt, anger, bitterness energizes me in a way that feels pretty crummy to me, but finding a blessing, learning a lesson, deliberately deciding to look for a truth allows that icky energy, that resistance to begin to go away. Remember that water filled tub I talked about above? Well, the plug isn’t all the way out, the tub isn’t empty. But the trickle has begun and it feels good. That’s what forgiveness is about, feeling better. And beginning to heal. This has not one thing to do with whether or not the person was justified in saying what they did. Not for one moment would I condone deliberately hurting someone with an untruth. But if the words were true, I can learn from them. If they were false, then I have taken the time to find the blessing, to learn a lesson.

Another little phrase that causes a lot of trouble is ‘forgive and forget’. I’m not a fan at all. My dog teaches me a very simple lesson about that, because animals offer unconditional love. They get hurt, but they learn the lesson, forgive and move on. If I’m out walking with Indiana and he keeps walking in front of me, there’s a very good chance his foot will get stepped on. He learns the lesson, forgives and walks alongside of me. But he doesn’t forget! He remembers that if he walks in front of me his toes will get smashed.

We can take a lesson from this. If forgetting serves us well, then we will forget in time, easily and effortlessly. However, if the words brought a lesson that we can use, by all means, keep it in your memory. Again, let’s return to the original scenario. If the words spoken to me were hurtful for the simple reason that person has their own ‘stuff’ to deal with, then I will likely remember and not put myself into a position to be hurt by them again. However, if the words were true and helpful, I may well remember them, learn from them and recall them when they are again helpful. Forgive; yes. Forget; only if it serves your best and highest good.

I’ve spoken about hurtful words because that seems to me to be the most common wound. But wounds come in all sorts. It could be the wound of a relationship that has ended, the death of someone you cared about, a car wreck or any number of other scenarios. The work is the same. It’s a step by step process. No one size fits all here. There is no time-line. The process may be very fast, a matter of moments, or it could be over years. Whatever is right for you is right.

What are you holding onto? Is there something that you are ready to begin healing from? Big or small, forgiveness is done for you, and it begins with that first step. When you are ready to begin healing, forgiveness is part of the process. And the turtle once again pokes his head out of his shell, going on about his life, wiser and more prepared to life today.

Namaste,

Sandy

Probably the most common theme that I hear in my office, is the idea that the person is not deserving of the best life has to offer. This feeling seems to recognize no boundaries. I hear it from women as well as men. Young, middle-aged and elders. These people seem to think that they must put themselves last – always.

What some of these people think they do deserve is something less than others. A woman I know was very concerned. After all, she believed very strongly that when one is faced with an argument or conflict of some sort,  that there are two choices. Be kind or attack. As she is a very nice woman, her typical response has been to be kind to others, at her own expense.  I got the call from her when she wanted to discuss her most recent behavior. She had stood up for herself! She was direct and straight forward, realizing that she deserved to be treated with respect and appreciation. This is where we all stand and shout ‘wahoo!’.

An incredible person recently offered this thought. Is our body a vessel or host to our spirit? If you answered yes, keep going with me. If my body is host to my spirit, then my spirit is my ever-present guest. How do you treat guests in your home?  If you’re like me, you always offer guests the very best. The pretty little soaps in the bathroom. The best chair at the backyard fire. The finest cut of the entree served at dinner.

If I’m always offering the best to others, but refusing to accept quality for myself, I am treating my own guest very badly. This fascinating concept rang true for me, so I began sharing it with my clients. What I am discovering; to my absolute delight is that it rings true for others as well.

So, does this mean that I advocate being out for myself regardless of effects or ramifications to others?  Nope, not at all. It does mean that I believe in treating myself with the same sort of appreciation and respect that I offer to others. And I encourage my clients to do the same. It feels good, in fact it feels terrific!

A very nice side-effect of treating myself with the same appreciation, respect and kindness that I offer to others is that I don’t feel short changed when I do something nice for someone else. Nice bonus, huh? Think about it for a couple of seconds and I’m sure it will make complete sense to you as well.

If you are always putting others before yourself, you are being short changed. It’s completely natural and reasonable that resentment would build and that anger is likely to follow. Let’s circumvent this entire situation by simply bringing a bit of balance to the situation. That means acknowledging that you deserve to expect and receive the best that the world has to offer. I encourage you to expect that from now on.

Balance isn’t all that difficult when we practice. If need be, you may want to think of yourself as Spirit, after all that is an integral part of you. What does your guest deserve? Offer the best to your Spirit, your ever-present guest and everyone will benefit.

Namaste,

Sandy

When I used to think of meditation, I was absolutely convinced it was totally beyond me. After all, I believed that meditation required a quiet, calm, very disciplined mind. Let me be very honest here, not one of those adjectives would be used to describe my noisy, active sometimes scattered mind.

Imagine how relieved and excited I was when I learned that meditation comes in many varieties, there is no ‘one size fits all’. This led me to re-think the entire meaning and to discern just what meditation is for me.

When I asked myself a couple of questions, it really became quite clear.

* What allows me to become so absorbed that I am both energized and deeply relaxed at the same time?

* How do I feel after engaging in this  activity?

That’s it; there really were only two questions for me. Remember that busy mind I mentioned earlier, well the simple fact is that two questions were quite enough. I was off and running with this idea that I could be a Master Meditator. By the way, there’s no need to look it up, I made up that term.

I asked myself, what absorbs, relaxes and energizes me? Gardening, being in or on the water, walking my dog. To name a few. How do I feel after any of these activities? I feel refreshed, relaxed and just plain good. I get lost in these activities, loose all sense of time and often have little or no interest in what is happening around me. This my friends is meditation.

These activities allowed my mind to rest, and that is very therapeutic. However, I have found that other forms of meditation serve me in other ways. Listening to guided meditation relaxes me anytime I listen to it. If I’m having a stressful day, I often will simply put on a guided meditation and let it run in the background. Whether I am deliberately focusing on the meditation or not, I notice that my stress level begins to dissipate.

In December of 2010 my 23 year old son took his own life. To say that suicide is traumatic is perhaps one of the greatest understatements of all time. The stress was pretty much off the charts. One of the ways my body and minds responds to stress is insomnia. This has been an issue on and off for me for many years when stressful situations would occur in my life.

I admit that it took quite a while for me to remember after losing my son that I had tools at hand to help myself. However, when I did remember and when I was able to begin using the tools of meditation, I began feeling better. Not fixed, not healed, certainly not over it. But better. And that mattered a great deal.

It’s only been a bit over a year since losing Mike and I readily admit that I frequently need to remind myself that meditation is helpful for me. Sometimes it’s simply too much for me to get out and walk the dog or participate in one of the activities that usually brings on the calm, restful state. However, for me listening to guided meditations helps tremendously. Particularly when I am experiencing insomnia. I use either an mp3 player with headphones or a simple cd player to allow the meditation to play. Sometimes I try to concentrate on the words, other times I simply trust that the meditation will guide me to a relaxed state and a gentle sleep usually follows. If I’m having a particularly difficult time with sleep, I usually put the meditation on repeat and let it play.

Our mind, our body and our spirit all need rest and calm if they are to serve us well. Meditation facilitates this rest, healing and rejuvenation. The more one practices, the easier and more effective it is in bringing on that healing rest. However, rest assured that the benefits are there for the casual user and beginner as well.

I strongly encourage meditation for anyone. Particularly for someone who is experiencing illness, trauma or stress, meditation can make all the difference.

Namaste,

Sandy

One of my favorite experiences is to listen to guided meditations while drifting off to sleep.

Group Coaching

Have you ever heard the expression “There is great strength in numbers”? It’s true!

Here are a few benefits to group coaching:

• As your coach, I will always help you to hold the focus on the goals which are important to you.
• You will find support and motivation from others as you connect with others in your group.
• You will learn, grow and be inspired as you share stories and wisdom with one another.
• You will benefit from accountability and watch your ‘to-do’ items move to the ‘done’ column.
• Group celebration! You celebrate your success with the people who truly care about you.
• You grow and move forward with a professional coach at a very affordable fee.

Weekly, Thursday mornings, 7–9 am
$100 per month, that’s only $25 per coaching session!

The adventure begins Thursday, November 3rd  -  Register Now!

To register visit the website: http://www.sandywalden.com/coaching/business-coaching.php or call Sandy to reserve your spot 414-378-8764

This group is forming now, space will be limited so if you are ready to begin living the life you know you desire, register today.

Namaste,

Sandy

When I talk with someone who has ADD or ADHD I am always astounded by the amazing energy, usually accompanied by incredible creativity. Sometimes these people are diagnosed as ADD or ADHD, other times they simply assume that is what they would be diagnosed with if they went to a doctor, perhaps they’ve read books and done the quizzes or have come to this conclusion in one way or another.

It seems that a common theme they share is the fear that medication which will help them to focus and concentrate could also take away or at least dull their creative talent, dull their appetite or even stifle or dull their personality. Let me tell you, that would get my attention too! These people want to retain all of the sparkle and fabulous-ness that makes them who they are, as an admirer, that’s what I want for them as well.

To my way of thinking, it seems completely unreasonable for people to have to choose between having that creative spark and being able to focus well enough on day to day tasks to move through their day with relative ease. They shouldn’t have to choose losing their appetite and enjoyment of delicious food in order to be able to function easily and effectively. In short, I don’t think it’s reasonable to ask people to give up valuable bits of what makes them magnificent in order to allow them to cope with ADD, ADHD or simply a lack of focus and concentration.

Hypnosis to the rescue! Hmmm…maybe that sounds a bit dramatic. Let me explain a bit here. Research shows that hypnosis is a very effective way to treat both ADD and ADHD. When you choose to deal with these issues via hypnosis you can release the fear that you will lose your appetite, or your special sparkle that makes your personality so unique and wonderful. Your hypnotist will work with you to address your specific needs and desires. When you work with a hypnotist it is her job to work with your unique circumstances, this really is a very personal service.

Going into hypnotic trance is something that you do easily and every day. It is a completely natural state. Your hypnotist will ask you questions to ascertain what sort of induction to use to ease you into hypnotic trance. While you are in trance, a state which is often referred to as hypnotic sleep, your subconscious mind is open to suggestions which will support you in making the changes that you desire.  Be assured that despite the message that is often given in television programs or movies, you will not do anything while you are in a hypnotic trance that is against your will or nature. In other words, you are not going to get up in front of strangers and perform Frank Sinatra songs…unless you want to.

While in hypnotic trance you are in control. That bears repeating, you are in control at all times while in hypnosis. You, the hypnotic subject calls the shots, not the hypnotist.

Children and teens are incredibly good hypnotic subjects, and they are often the ones who struggle most with the issues of focus and concentration If your young child or teen is struggling with focus and concentration or has been diagnosed with ADD or ADHD, you may want to consider hypnosis as a very viable alternative for your loved one.

I’ve found that hypnosis is of course incredibly helpful for adults as well. One client who comes to mind initially sought me out because she found that it was difficult for her to stay on task effectively enough to follow up with clients. This was a problem. The results that she achieved were very good and she supports these results by listening to a hypnosis recording which I created just for her. As a result, her business is growing; her ability to discern what needs immediate attention and what can wait is growing. Her creativity has not been stifled one bit, in fact she has shared that the increased ability to focus and concentrate effectively has enhanced her creativity. She is now able to enjoy the creative outlets which nourish her soul in a way which had previously escaped her.

Is hypnosis for you? I don’t know, but you do. If you or someone you care about struggles with ADD, ADHD or has difficulty maintaining the focus and concentration then hypnosis may be just the ticket. Let’s talk.

Namaste,

Sandy

I remember a couple of hundred years ago, when I was moving through pregnancy; we attended a couple of childbirth classes where they told us to find something to focus on during childbirth. We were told that if we focused on our chosen object that the entire experience would be much easier. I don’t remember being told why it would be easier, or perhaps I just wasn’t listening. That is entirely possible. Oh yeah, I also remember learning that we should not make our partner or spouse our focal point. Good news for John as he figured I focus on him enough while screaming and yelling on a normal basis, not what he wanted during the stress of welcoming our baby.

You are probably aware that pregnancy and childbirth are completely natural occurrences. Yet I distinctly remember the horror stories beginning as soon as I told anyone that I was pregnant. Oh my goodness! I learned that I would be incredibly uncomfortable for the entire time. Morning sickness would be horrible. I was told again and again that by the time that baby put in an appearance I would be incredibly grateful to have this experience over. Really? And then there were the scary stories about childbirth itself. I won’t even go into some of the horrific stories that were shared with me about giving birth. I remember thinking that I just didn’t believe it had to be that way. I hoped to have more than one child and if the entire experience was that horrific, then even child #1 was going to have a lot of making up to mama in the years after birth.

From some of the things I heard and read it sounded as though this process was really the most outlandish, complicated and unreasonably painful idea ever. In fact, I couldn’t believe that the human race had continued if indeed this was the way pregnancy and childbirth were fated to proceed.

The truth is that I had pretty easy pregnancies. I went through childbirth 3 times, each one very different, but each resulting in a strong, healthy baby boy. I felt good during pregnancy. Yes, I experienced morning sickness; in fact it lasted most of my pregnancy each time. But as silly as this sounds, it really didn’t bother me that much. Other than that, I felt strong and very healthy. Almost like this was a normal, human experience.

Same thing goes for childbirth and recovery. Oh never doubt that I tell my boys precisely how long each delivery took, but it was not nearly as horrible or painful as I had been led to expect, and recovery was a breeze for me.

Pregnancy is a normal, human experience. Your body will change to accommodate the baby, but you don’t need to suffer while these changes occur. Morning sickness is mostly a result of hormonal changes that your body is going through, again for the baby. Well, like all chemical changes that occur in our body, this is controlled by our mind. There’s some really good news here. Hypnosis can help. Hypnosis is a natural, easy way to deal with morning sickness and other discomforts generally associated with pregnancy. Working with a hypnotist is a terrific way to release the feelings of nausea and truly enjoy your pregnancy. After all, this is the time when you are getting excited about welcoming a new little one into your family. Because hypnosis is simply enhanced focus and concentration, it is completely, entirely, absolutely natural.

You experience hypnosis on a regular basis, whether or not you are aware. When you are so engrossed in that new book that you don’t hear anyone in the room until they tap you on the shoulder, you’re experiencing a trance. Now come back down from the ceiling and let’s explore a little bit more.

Anyone can have a good hypnotic experience. And the good news is that the more frequently you deliberately go into trance, the better you are at allowing beneficial changes to occur for you. Be assured that as your  hypnotist I cannot make you do anything against your will. You will still be who you are, but hypnosis allows you to the opportunity to make some changes that allow you to live a happier, healthier life. Like moving through or simply not experiencing morning sickness. Now I say that is an easier way to move through pregnancy.

Of course hypnosis can address other pregnancy related issues. In fact, you name it and we can talk about it. To your benefit.

Childbirth. Are you ready for it? Let’s face it, no matter how much you are now enjoying this pregnancy, at some point that little one has got to come out. And despite the horror stories that abound, the truth is that childbirth is also a completely natural occurrence. It is entirely possible to have a fairly comfortable delivery. Again, hypnosis is a wonderful alternative to receiving drugs which can have a multitude of side effects. Now let me be clear, I would never say not to listen to your doctor, that would be foolish. What I’m saying is that if you use hypnosis, you may not need any sort of medications for pain relief during delivery. This may also save your spouse or partner from having crushed hand syndrome which my hubby insists was the result of my drug free deliveries. But I digress…

Now, it’s important that I point out that it’s not reasonable to find yourself in labor and then decide to use hypnosis to get through this process. You really need to begin either before or during pregnancy. This will allow you to physically, mentally and emotionally prepare for the process. Be assured that when you are prepared, you will know just what to do with that focal point and it will come naturally to you. Just like this entire experience.

Hypnosis is simply one more tool that you can use to move through your pregnancy feeling better. It can help alleviate morning sickness, aches and pains that may occur as your body is stretching to accommodate Little One. Hypnosis can relieve insomnia that often accompanies pregnancy as well as a myriad of other discomforts. Planning for your delivery using hypnosis is a very healthy choice. It is an excellent way to minimize discomfort and distress for Mom and as everybody knows, if Mama is happy, everyone else is happy as well.

Namaste,

Sandy

http://www.sandywalden.com/hypnosis/

It happens quite often. Someone will be telling about a loss, a worry or fear and another will say something like ‘at least you are not going through what I am’. Pretty effectively causing the first person to feel that they have no right to feel what they do or to express that feeling. To which I respond, ‘ugh!!!!’

If feelings and emotions are not good or bad, and for the record I agree with that notion, then why is it so often than the one-up game is played? I suspect that there are various reasons why this happens, and since I’m in the mood to share I’ll do so.

Fear of being left out. Ohhhh, that feels like it a hit on the nail head. After all, if you tell me that your child-hood pet has died. This pet is the one who comforted you while you went through a tornado,  stayed by your side through illness and licked your face when your friends ignored you; I might feel that I simply have no business sharing the fact that I’m feeling really sad for no discernible reason at all. Would it be possible that I need to share what I feel but that since I don’t think my feelings measure up to yours that I can’t do it? That might make me feel left out. Is there an alternative?

How about the thought that if I’m not in more pain, sadder, angrier, more helpless or alternately if I’m not experiencing more joy, happiness, absolute bliss that I’m moving through some situation wrong? In other words, if I measure my feelings, thoughts and emotions against yours and mine are not as big, then perhaps I’m not a caring, loving, worthy person. Yikes!

If we talk about what you think or feel than its entirely possible that everything won’t be about me! That simply cannot happen, because if the focus is not on me all the time, perhaps I’ll cease to exist in some manner.

Now these are just a few thoughts that occur to me, but they all feel like they have a bit of truth to them.  You go through stuff in your life, so do I. In fact we all do, it’s the human experience. Some of this stuff is fabulous, some okay, some not so good and some is truly dreadful. You naturally have thoughts, ideas and feelings about what is happening in your life. That’s the way life works.

Are you ready for an example? My youngest son died in December 2010. My other two incredible sons live quite a distance from home. One evening I was feeling a bit low. I hadn’t slept the night before, so I was tired and grumpy in general. Hubby was at work so I had time to myself. I spoke to each of my boys on the phone during the day and enjoyed it. However, by that evening I was incredibly tired, and simply missed all three of my boys. I shared this with a good friend of mine (who is an amazing lady) and her response set me to thinking about this entire process. She apologized for sharing her own feelings of missing a child who has moved away from home. Why is that? She misses that person very much and I’m honored and privileged that she shares those feelings with me. I pray that I am supportive of her. Are her feelings any less valid because her experience is different than mine? I don’t think so.

For my money, it’s okay to experience a situation along with someone else and to respond differently. Not only is it okay, it’s inevitable. It doesn’t make us any more less loving or caring individuals if we respond differently than someone else to any given situation.  We’re simply different people responding in our personal ways. Not better. Not worse. Just individual.

Feelings and emotions are not good or bad, they simply are feelings and emotions. My hope is that when we talk with friends and loved ones that we do feel it is safe to share. The key word here is ‘share’. If we can listen and appreciate that there is great value in hearing what is being expressed perhaps we can release the need to compete. Trusting that we offer great value regardless of whether we are sharing or listening.

I have a challenge this week. Accept it if you choose, but for me I’m going to give it a whirl. The challenge is not only to listen, but to really hear what is being said to me. Without judgment. Without feeling as though I need to top it to be of value. I wonder how it will change how I feel about the people I’m listening to. I wonder if it might change the way they feel about me. Learning and growing friends, not competing. Just living, learning and growing.

Namaste,

Sandy

Within a short span of eleven days we will have attended 2 funerals and 2 weddings. This has caused me to think about the cycles, the circle of life.

One of these deaths was swift and totally unexpected. An apparently strong and healthy man of only 63, his family was shocked and will undoubtedly spend quite a bit of time moving through the trauma until they are able to begin understanding how their life will move forward.

The other death was an elderly woman in her 90′s. Dearly beloved by her family and friends, she was sharp and witty until almost the very end. The last few weeks of her life were spent still teaching family and friends how to live life.

And of course 2 weddings. To me there is very little that represents more optimism than a couple in love, promising to spend their lives caring about and for one another.

Beginnings and endings. We spend most of our life somewhere in between. Thank God for that. While the beginnings and the endings are times when we really focus on what life is about, the time in between is where we learn and practice. Sometimes we do well, sometimes we could do better. Still, these significant events cause many of us to step back and ponder life in ways that we may not do otherwise.

What do the weddings represent to you? These couples are people who have learned to love one another, and with any luck they have learned to really like one another, which I think can be much more important. When I look at these couples I wonder, what sort of language will they use to ask one another not to leave wet towels on the bed? Will they be kind or harsh when one tells the other that they really need to get stronger deodorant? Are they prepared to go through times when one is ill? How will they show one another appreciation or express disappointment? When they fall out of like with one another from time to time, will their love prompt them to re-discover what brought them together in the first place?

And the funerals. Oh my, I’ve learned so much about people at funerals. One particular woman comes to mind for me. I had grown up hearing nasty things about her, very little that was good. She wasn’t particularly kind to me and in short I was pretty sure that she was not a nice person at all and probably had never been a nice person. At her funeral I learned that she was much more complicated and interesting. People I didn’t know shared incredible stories about how she had gone out of her way to help them when she was very young and was living with unimaginable difficulties herself. I learned that she was a very strong woman who cared deeply about people who were in her life, regardless of whether or not they were relatives. The stories went on about her talents; she was an amazing cook, generous with her time and love. The woman I knew was a product of a very difficult life, but even during those years, many people experienced another side of her altogether.

When someone dies it offers us the chance to come together and share stories. If we allow ourselves to listen with an open heart and mind we can lean things that change our lives. Perhaps forever.

To me the weddings represent beginnings of a sort; however the funerals don’t represent an end. I firmly believe that our souls go on living, so this transition is simply an opportunity to reflect on what has been learned. Truly a new beginning.

I wonder what these things represent for you. So many beginnings in our life, and each offers us the opportunity to step back and reflect on what we believe, what we know, what we have learned. May the learning continue.

Namaste,                                                                                                                                                                                                                                              Sandy