NO, Your Dog Absolutely CANNOT Crap in My Yard!

Written on September 25, 2011 at 11:50 am, by Sandy Walden

Alternate title: It’s Okay to Maintain and Protect Your Boundaries 

I’m fascinated by boundaries and the way we set and guard them – or don’t. It seems that quite often we’re pretty wishy-washy about what is okay and what is not okay. Why is that?

When we listen to others, we’re usually pretty darned clear about what is and is not an acceptable way for others to treat them. However, when it comes to ourselves many of need a gentle reminder that it’s perfectly acceptable to expect others to respect our privacy and treat us with consideration and respect.

Have you ever had anyone ask you to do something and even when you say ‘no’ they push for reasons why? Or completely disregarding your response, keep pushing for a ‘yes’? That’s because your boundary is not clear to you. If it’s not clear to you and if you are not willing to protect that boundary, how in the world can you expect someone else to be observant and respectful of that boundary?

Yes, I’ve had to learn a few lessons about boundaries myself and it’s an ongoing project. I’ve found that it’s not only okay to set and protect my boundaries, but it’s essential if I want to keep my sanity. This benefits others as well, because if I am able to acknowledge and respect my personal boundaries, I’m much more likely to acknowledge and respect theirs as well. This pretty much keeps me out of trouble.

It’s perfectly okay with me if someone asks me personal questions. I answer the questions that I want to answer, but if someone asks something that I do not want to answer I simply tell them that I prefer not to discuss. If they push, I ask why they want to push regarding something that I’ve already made it clear is not open to discussion.  I ask this sincerely and then I shut my mouth. The conversation never fails to change directions. I’m protecting myself. Picking and choosing what I will and will not discuss. Trust me it gets easier each time.

Same thing works very easily when someone asks me to do them a favor or invites me somewhere. I’m usually very happy to accept, but if I decline with a simple, ‘no thank you’, I feel like that should be enough. If pushed, I once again ask why they want to push. Hmmmm…the results can be very interesting. Usually, the subject drops or changes.

One of my favorite people on the planet made a very wise observation recently. I’ve got to paraphrase because I didn’t write down her precise words. But this is the gist of her wisdom. If we believe that our souls are eternal (I do!) then our bodies are simply playing host to our souls. Why in the world would we treat this beloved guest with any less consideration, love and respect than we offer to others? Wow! That was very profound and I’m grateful to her for sharing.

This makes it even easier for me to protect my boundaries with love, kindness but absolute clarity. After all, my soul is my constant guest and deserves kindness and the most excellent treatment and this guest is absolute going to receive that sort of kindness.

This does not mean that I don’t reach out to others to ask questions or engage in other ways. I absolutely do! However, I try to be aware of the signals that they send out to me and respect those signals. I simply ask them to do the same. It feels very good. This is self-care.

The truth is that if you are a family member, friend, or even a client who comes to me for life coaching, Reiki or hypnosis you have heard my views about self-care again and again. I think it’s vital that we take good care of ourselves. When we do so, we are much more able to treat others well.

How about it? Are you ready to recognize your own boundaries? Are you able to see and acknowledge the boundaries established by others? I encourage you to really listen to yourself and others. What feels okay? Find that place of comfort and good feelings and simply, lovingly but firmly protect your boundaries. Practicing that self-care gets easier and easier and others will learn from you. This is good for you and good form them as well.

Namaste,                                                                                                                                                                                                                                              Sandy

 

 

 

 

Reiki and Healing

Written on September 4, 2011 at 10:14 am, by Sandy Walden

Reiki, pronounced Ray-kee is a modality of energy healing. If your response is ‘huh?’ then you’re in good company.

Reiki has been around for quite some time, but only in recent years is it becoming better known and widely accepted.

Energy is of course a very real part of each of our lives. The electricity which turns on our lights is energy. We may not see it, many of us don’t quite understand how it works, but it is there and very effective. Reiki energy is similar in that it is not something that can be seen; however the effects can be felt.

Generally, when one receives a Reiki treatment, you will lie fully clothed on a massage table. The Reiki practitioner moves around your body, gently laying their hands on about twelve positions of your body. During this session, the gentle energy of Reiki flows through the practitioner to the recipient. This allows your own energy to balance and that balance allows healing. Ahhh, now we’re getting somewhere aren’t we? It’s all about the healing.

In the most simple and straight forward terms, Reiki allows your body, mind and spirit to release negative energy. This may be fear, pain, despair, etc. As these less than helpful energies; these toxins are released you are able to re-balance and welcome healing. Our body, mind and spirit are able to heal themselves when we release these barriers.

There is a plethora of research supporting this healing modality. http://tinyurl.com/3hk8u7u This research simply reinforces my own beliefs and more importantly it supports my own experiences with Reiki; as a Reiki master and teacher as well as someone who continues to benefit from frequent Reiki sessions. I smile when friends or family tell me that ‘there must be something to this stuff’, because the well respected Dr. Oz tells of his own trust and confidence in Reiki.

As someone who has lost a loved one to suicide, I appreciate that Reiki has helped me and continues to help me to move through this grieving and healing process. I do believe that the process has been a bit more gentle due to receiving frequent Reiki sessions.

I’d like to be clear; this is not something magical that has taken away my pain. Rather, the Reiki has helped me to move through my pain in the way that is best for me; a little at a time. It’s helped me to become clear about what I feel, to understand what this loss means to me, to forgive myself for not keeping my son alive. While on that Reiki table I’ve shed many tears, but I’ve also felt relief, lovely, healing relief. I’m someone who tends to express my pain or fear in physical terms. Shoulder pain, migraines or an aching back. I’m grateful that Reiki is safe to receive under any conditions. It is safe to use regardless of what medications I may be taking or medical treatment I may be receiving. That offers me reassurance and additional comfort and encourages me to continue giving myself daily Reiki as well as to receive Reiki from other practitioners.

There’s something quite wonderful about being touched by another human being. It offers connection and bonding. However, it’s important to note that Reiki can be offered at a distance as well. After all, it’s energy and energy is not limited to time or distance. This means that I am able to send Reiki to my surviving sons even though they live far away from me. Like the prayers that I offer, I know that they receive the energy in the way that is right for them. I also sit down and intentionally send Reiki to my son Mike who took his life in December of 2010. As a mom it heals my heart to know that I can still offer him something quite wonderful and healing. Of course I would prefer to have any of them on a chair in a room with me or on my Reiki table. But I am blessed to know that the Reiki is just as healing in whatever way it’s received.

I continue to offer Reiki to others and I’m grateful for the balance that it brings to their lives. Gently, sometimes a little at a time, sometimes the balance comes more rapidly. I will also continue to give myself Reiki sessions and to receive Reiki from others. If this life is about learning and moving forward; as I believe it is, then I want to be able to learn, heal and move forward as easily as possible. Reiki helps me to do just that.

Namaste,

Sandy

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Forgive and Forget – I Don’t Think So!

Written on July 30, 2011 at 8:13 am, by Sandy Walden

I’m all for the forgiving part, but as for the forgetting – not so much. Let’s walk through this just a little bit and I think you’ll understand my point.

When I forgive a hurt or a wound of some sort, I do it to release myself from further anguish. I forgive for myself, not for anyone else. For me it is often a very deliberate choice. I may decide that I’m tired of being angry, irritated, depressed and defensive. In other words, I’m tired of feeling crummy! When I’ve had my fill of feeding those emotions which I do not enjoy one little bit, I am ready to begin thinking about forgiveness. I know that when I do forgive, that I will be able to release those feelings that are dragging me down and that I’ll experience relief. That relief is healing.

So, I decide that I want to forgive so that I can feel better. The person I’m forgiving may or may not know about my decision and my feelings. Remember, this really is all about me. I want to feel better, so I forgive. I believe that when my energy changes to become lighter and more loving that the offender so to speak, benefits as well, whether they realize it or not. But primarily I am taking this step to forgive someone or something so that I feel better. Me, me, me!  This is taking good care of me and I deserve to feel good just because I am me, a child of God. Whew, that feels better.

The process of forgiving is simple for me and no, that doesn’t mean that it is always easy. But sometimes it is easy and that’s okay too. In fact, it totally rocks. Forgiveness is sometimes a very deliberate process, other times it simply happens a little at a time with little thought or deliberation. Either way it unfolds just about the same – for me. It begins with a decision that I want to feel relief, that I’m ready to stop feeding the pain, irritation and anger, all of that crummy stuff we talked about earlier. That leads me to begin looking for a blessing in the incident. Strange as that may seem, I believe that everything has a lesson and if I can find a lesson I can see it as a blessing. That allows me to begin releasing my pain and embracing the relief. Sort of like a balloon that is not popped, but has a slow leak, as I embrace the blessing I feel the pain ebb. Aaaaaah, that feels really good, and so forgiveness begins.

Now, about this forgetting stuff. That is a whole other kettle of fish my friend. After all, if each experience is a lesson of sorts, how is it helpful for me to completely and entirely forget about it? Makes no sense to me, because once I’ve experienced a specific wound I’m generally pretty much okay with not having another just like it. I’m hopeful that I learn not to put myself in such a situation again and if I forget all about the incident it seems that I’m much more likely to be hurt again and again and again. Now of course, you do what is right for you. As for me, I prefer to learn and move on.

From personal relationships to global tragedies this line of thinking works for me. No matter how small or how large. If we forget what brought about atrocities than we are likely to repeat the experience. If a friend has hurt me, I want to forgive that hurt so that I can move on feeling good, not being eaten up with anger or other general icki-ness. Whether or not I renew that friendship is another thing entirely. If it’s a friendship that I want to continue, I have the ability to learn and decide if it is to my own benefit to put myself in this situation again. The wound may have been unintentional, what can I learn from this? How can I move forward in a healthier manner? Perhaps the relationship has run its course. Forgiveness allows me to bless the time that was spent together and still release the relationship feeling good. But, and this is a great big but – I don’t want to forget the lessons learned.

There are tools that I use to support myself in this process. I find that Reiki not only balances my energy but Reiki also enhances my general sense of well being; of course. The flow of Reiki makes it much easier for me to move through these steps. Okay, let’s be very honest here, the Reiki just feels so darned good that I welcome it at any time. Coaching helps too, no doubt about it. Whether I work with another life coach, coach myself through the situation or remind myself of the steps that I use when I work with my life coaching clients. One step at a time, using the appropriate tool for that situation. Hypnosis is also really helpful to me as I work through my own issues. Dovetailing and very nicely complementing  the Reiki and life coaching. You see the life coaching allows me to become aware of what I prefer. The Reiki assists me in releasing negativity that is not serving me well. The hypnosis speaks to my sub-conscious, that incredibly cute but amazingly stubborn 4 year old that lives in my brain. Hypnosis speaks to her and reminds me that I don’t have to do anything that I don’t want to do. Because hypnosis speaks to my thriving subconscious it supports my choice,offering the reinforcement that it is not only okay but my choice to move in this direction. Now all of these tools have not always been available to me, and of course I was able to forgive then as well. But I’ve got to say, I find that having hypnosis,  Reiki and life coaching all in my little tool box assists me in the process. What works for you?

Forgive and forget if it feels right to you. As for me, I’m a project that is still in the works, still in the process of development. I’m still working on forgiving some people and events, but it’s coming along nicely and that offers me lovely relief. As for forgetting, I’m okay with the remembering. After all, once the pain is released the person, incident or event simply becomes a bit of history. Something I have learned from, something that has blessed me. And that makes it all worthwhile.

For this week, I wonder if you are ready to begin forgiving someone or something from your own life. How would it feel to release some of that pain or anger and welcome a bit of relief? It’s up to you of course, but I encourage you to give it a try. C’mon, you can do it. I know you can! When you’re ready.

Namaste,

Sandy

Life Coaching – All Together Now, Shift

Written on July 16, 2011 at 4:02 am, by Sandy Walden

I learned to drive in a 1970 VW Beetle with a stick-shift. It was beyond awesome! 

Anyone who has ever driven a stick-shift, or to name it more correctly, a manual transmission; knows that in order to prevent burning out the clutch, you learn to listen to the car, to feeeeeeeeeel when it is time to shift. Guess what? People come with the same sort of clues. When we work together, you as the client, me as the coachm you will be encouraged to listen to your own guidance. What do you hear? What do you feel?

As you learn to hear and feel what you really want, you will easily and quite effortlessly learn if and when it’s time to shift. Here’s the good part, it’s so much easier than learning to shift that Bug. You will hardly hear the grinding at all.

You can learn how to listen and feel the messages that are guiding you, really. As your coach, I will encourage you to listen for that special sound, feel that vibration that is your inner guidance. This will allow you to decide if it’s time to make a shift. As your coach, I will offer thoughts, ideas and suggestions. Mostly, I will encourage you to discover just how your intuition is guiding you. For instance, if you are feeling bad about a situation in your past, we might discover if you have learned anything from the incident. If you have gained something beneficial from a past incidence, that knowledge may allow you to see the past issue as something of a gift. That my friend is a shift. Some are big, some are small. They happen if you’re ready, when you’re ready and in just the way you prefer.

You might say that life coaching is all about shifts, you might be right or wrong. For you, the coaching experience may well be all about shifts, or it may be about moving forward in another manner. That’s part of the fun! The path that you take when you work with a life coach is all up to you.

This journey is yours. You call the shots. You decide if you would like to take a peek at your past and find ways to shift into a more positive frame of mind. You decide what you prefer to deal with and in what manner. Of course your coach, (yours truly) will have suggestions which you may accept. Or not. You get to decide what is discussed and what is not. How cool is that?

I’m also going to ask you to take a look at what is happening in your world right now, today, this very moment in fact. How are you looking at situations, happenings, events? It’s my job to help you discover possibilities. Pretty exciting stuff really. When you explore possibilities, you will be encouraged to listen to and feel that guidance that we talked about a few paragraphs ago. And then you will shift to a place of feeling better. If you want to, if you’re ready. Shifting to a place that allows you to see and feel new possibilities. Shifting is huge.

Alright, I admit that I sort of nut-shelled the entire life coaching experience. But if I were to nut-shell it even more, I might well say that the entire coaching experience is about shifting. Are you ready to shift?

This week, I encourage you to take a few minutes a day. Sitting quietly, allow yourself to tune into your own thoughts and feelings. What do you really want in life? What would you prefer? Then let’s talk.

Namaste,

Sandy

 

 

 

 

Mr. and Mrs. Blue Jay – Terrific Life Coaches!

Written on July 9, 2011 at 4:56 am, by Sandy Walden

I’m always amazed at the adventure that is waiting right outside my door. 

Up here at the lake, Indy doesn’t have quite the freedom he does in Milwaukee. As the yard isn’t fenced in and I don’t want to encourage him to seek his own adventure, he is on a rope when he’s outside. A few days ago, he was out sniffing around under the apple tree. As I watched, a couple of blue jays became incredibly agitated. One stayed up in the branches of the tree while the other began swooping closer and closer to Indy. Both were beyond chirping, but screeching louder and louder. Sweet old Indiana was oblivious, so after just a short time I coaxed him away. I saw a nest up in the tree and assumed that was what all the ruckus was about.

Fast forward a couple of days. John was walking outside and heard a high-pitched chirping near the tree. As he got closer he realized that there was a pair of baby jays huddled together on one side of the tree, and a lone baby bird on the other side, at the base of the tree. Again, Mr. and Mrs. Jay came screeching in, swooping and screaming, telling John in no uncertain terms that they wanted him outta there! John respectfully backed away.

Here’s where I want to talk about why I see Mr. and Mrs. Jay as fabulous life coaches. You knew I’d get to it at some point and I don’t want to keep you waiting any longer. You see, I Googled baby blue jays because I was worried about the itty bitty birds. I learned that once they have their feathers they do indeed leave the nest and begin living on the ground. They continue to be fed and as we saw so clearly, protected by their parents. How awesome, delightful and terrifying is this?

Mr. and Mrs. Jay are trusting their off-spring to grow in the way that is best for them, that’s what a good life coach does as well. Mr. and Mrs. Jay are there, but in the background until needed. Your life coach is there for you, in the way you prefer, when you prefer. Mr. and Mrs. Jay are trusting that their offspring will learn to eat, fly and protect themselves, because they know they have the necessary instincts and that they are capable of learning as they grow. Their goal is to be independent and strong. You also have the ability to determine your goal and to move into it in the time and manner which is right for you. These baby birds are just like me and they are just like you.

When we work together, it’s not about me telling you what you should do, how you should behave, or what direction you should move. Oh no-no sirree! My job is to know that you have the ability and instincts already. However, I am ready, willing and very excited to coax you along; and cheer you long and loud when you leave your own nest. I suspect that’s what Mr. and Mrs. Jay did to get the babes out of the nest. I will ask you questions and we will talk, this is a cooperative effort after all. When you make a move that leads you toward your intended destination I will cheer for you. I don’t think I can reproduce the interesting sounds that come out of the blue jays, but I suspect that’s truly for the best anyhow.

Once again, I’m grateful for the lesson. Mr. and Mrs. Blue Jay have released the ‘shoulds’, trusting in the instincts and growing abilities of their off-spring. I will do my best to follow their example.

This week I encourage you to find your own backyard adventure. What is the lesson? Allow yourself to be inspired!

Namaste,

Sandy

 

Reiki – Is It A Religion?

Written on July 2, 2011 at 9:42 am, by Sandy Walden

Nope, ’nuff said? Hmmm, perhaps it would be best if I elaborate just a little bit. 

Take a look at the beautiful trillium growing amongst the leaves. The flowering plant is indeed a living thing, it is energy. That’s what Reiki is, energy. Plain and simple. Well, not too plain and simple or this blog would be over and we would all understand just the point I’m trying to get across.

When we talk about Reiki, we define it as Universal Life Force Energy. It flows with our intention, calming and balancing our body, mind and spirit so that we are able to release, relax and heal. While I suspect that most of us do indeed consider this a spiritual event, it seems to me that the energy flows just as well for the atheist. After all, energy is energy and flows regardless of where we believe it comes from or how we explain its existence.

I have electricity in my house, that electricity or energy allows my lap top to operate and that allows me to share my thoughts about Reiki with you in this blog. Do I believe that this energy comes from God, Universe, Source or Creator? Yep, it just so happens that I do. However, I have a very dear friend who is ‘knows’ in his heart that my belief in a deity is a way to comfort myself, he considers it a myth. Turns out that the electricity flows in his house just as well. In the same way, I believe that the energy that we call Reiki does come from my Creator, use whatever name you prefer, I don’t think he/she minds a bit. I am simply a channel for this energy, it flows with my intention. Feels pretty darned good too.

This lovely flow of Reiki energy happens regardless if I am Catholic, Buddhist, Muslim or any other religion. Oh yeah, it’s important to note here that the Reiki energy also flows for those who are of no faith as well. Reiki is energy. Doing its job, completely independent of where I think the Reiki energy originates. How fabulous is that?

My belief regarding how the trillium grows, why electricity works, or indeed where the Reiki comes from is not an issue, at least for me. So, while I continue to feel that offering Reiki, accepting Reiki, simply thinking about Reiki is a spiritual experience. Reiki is absolutely not a religion. Reiki, along with all of these other wonders, exists. I see, enjoy and experience all of these things in one way or another each and every day. Reiki and all of these wonders that are made up of energy enhance my life in marvelous, wondrous ways. I am deeply grateful. That’s good enough for me.

Namaste,

Sandy

Better Study Habits – Hypnosis

Written on March 5, 2011 at 4:57 am, by Sandy Walden

How can hypnosis help you?

Recently I’ve had more and more people coming to me because they wanted to improve their concentration and focus. Of course these issues can be addressed with hypnosis! In fact hypnosis is very effective for children, adolescents and adults alike. The only thing that is required is a healthy mind and a willingness to make a change.

Who might benefit from this? Here are a few examples that I’ve worked with most recently.

A woman who wanted to grow her business. This particular woman works from home and tells me that in the past she was easily distracted from her business by all of the distractions that are part of being at home. Kids, husband, meal planning, etc.  As always, before I hypnotized her it was important for me to know what was happening for her and what goals she desired. Then came the hypnosis. This client reports that focus and concentration are coming easier and easier to her.

Another client contacted me for assistance with a professional exam. This exam was critical to her professional growth and she was extremely nervous that come the day of the exam she would freeze, being unable to focus or concentrate.  This nervousness was also causing her focus and concentration to be sporadic and lacking as she prepared for this exam. I spoke with this client after her exam. Her happy update is that she was calm throughout the two day exam, concentration came easily and she feels very positive about the outcome.

An enhanced ability to concentrate and focus can most certainly be achieved through hypnosis.

Be assured, when you are hypnotized you are not sleeping at all. Quite the reverse. Hypnosis is a heightened state of awareness and focus. Your hypnotist will guide or facilitate you into a trance state; however this can only happen if you are open to the experience. Because of this, all hypnosis is in fact self-hypnosis. This relaxed and focused state may not feel much different than the awareness you experience during other relaxed or very focused experiences. Perfect!

Hypnosis works because the hypnotist is speaking to your subconscious mind. Your subconscious mind is what is operating most of your experience at any time. After all, when was the last time you focused and deliberately reminded your liver to filter impurities from your system? My guess is that you leave that task to your subconscious, and for good reason. Your subconscious has the job well under control.

You have the ability to accept or reject suggestions that are given to you. Your hypnotist simply does not have the ability to make you do anything that is against your will. That only happens in the movies. In short, you are in control at all times.

You decide to make positive changes and to accept the suggestions that your hypnotist offers to you, your subconscious listens and acts on your preferences. This allows you to more easily release fears, phobias and unnecessary pain. It also allows you to shift to your preferred weight, stop smoking and as we discussed above, improve study habits through better concentration and clearer focus. All of these issues, and so many more can successfully be addressed with hypnosis.

It’s all up to you. When you change the way your mind thinks, you change the way your life unfolds. When you are ready to make a positive change, contact me.

Namaste,

Sandy

 

 

 

 

Reiki – Learning Reiki for Your Own Self-Care

Written on February 27, 2011 at 2:19 pm, by Sandy Walden

Someone asked me the other day why she should consider learning Reiki. After all, she has no intention of offering the powerful energy modality professionally.

Holy cats! Clearly I had some explaining to do!

Learning Reiki level one is the very first step for someone who wants to be able to offer Reiki to others professionally. However, Reiki is first and foremost an excellent form of self-care. Because of this, when I teach Reiki level one, Reiki level two or Reiki at the master level, I always encourage others to give themselves Reiki as often as possible. It’s all part of taking good care of themselves.

Reiki, which is pronounced ray-kee, is defined as Universal Life Force Energy. This healing energy allows us to release negativity and to bring our own energy back into balance. This balance that Reiki offers is what allows us to heal, relax and re-energize.

Many believe that it is being out of balance that allows us to experience dis-harmony or dis-ease. Reiki allows that subtle shift which restores balance to our chakras and to our very lives.

All of this is very gentle. While most consider Reiki a hands on modality, it is in fact just as effective from a distance. After all, energy is not limited to space or time. For this reason, while it’s easy and comfortable for me to offer Reiki to my dog or to my husband when I’m at home, and of course it’s my privilege to offer to clients in my office. It’s just as easy and beneficial for me to send to my son living in Texas, another who lives across town and even to my son who has died. Reiki is energy, it follows intention.

Reiki is part of my own self-care. It makes sense to offer myself balance and release. I can only hope to assist others if I’m taking good care of myself. While I may make this a quiet time that I spend by myself, it’s just as effective to give myself Reiki while I read a book, watch television or even take a bath.

What results can you expect from frequent Reiki session? I wish I could tell you precisely what to expect, but it’s simply not for me to know what is for your highest and best good. I do know that since I’ve been giving myself Reiki on a regular basis I have been able to stop taking blood pressure medication completely. Nothing else in my life explains the change. I have not changed eating or exercise habits. In fact, many might expect that my blood pressure would have become more of an issue, especially in recent months with personal stress. The reverse is true. Of course I have continued to monitor my blood pressure; I have it taken frequently and continue to keep in touch with my doctor. He is pleased and offers no other explanation for this change.

Reiki is a wonderful addition to your daily regimen. It is complementary to any medical treatment that you are receiving. Reiki will never interfere with any medications or have any sort of side effects. It’s important to remind anyone who is receiving Reiki to continue with any medical treatment they are receiving. Reiki is not a replacement or an alternative to excellent medical care. Instead, Reiki is a complement, that’s a very important distinction.

Why learn and become attuned to Reiki level one? So that you can begin offering yourself balance and healing. Reiki offers you excellent self-care. When you are taking excellent care of yourself, you are in a much stronger position to care for those you love.

I offer Reiki level one and Reiki level two each month. Master classes are scheduled upon request. When you are ready to take that first step to begin living your best life, give me a call. You will be most welcome in my Reiki class.

Namaste,

Sandy

 

 

 

Losing Mike – Celebrating Mike

Written on February 12, 2011 at 11:41 am, by Sandy Walden

If you’ve read my blog before, you know that it’s often very personal. Today is the most intensely personal blog I’ve ever shared. Still, I feel that I have to share before I can move forward in any meaningful way.

Tuesday, June 2, 1987 was one of the most amazing days of my life. At 6am we welcomed Mike, our third and youngest son to our family. To say we were complete may be an understatement.

At some point on Friday, December 17, 2010 the world stopped spinning, perhaps even wobbled as Mike took his own life.

Part of me kept being surprised in the days after losing Mike. After all when someone of great importance to the world dies, we usually see it on the television day in and day out. We hear it on the radio and read it in our newspapers. Headlines like ‘A Nation Mourns’ or ‘The World Says Goodbye’. It was incredibly strange not to see or hear that the lives of every person on the planet had been changed, because I feel sure that it had.Moving forward is the only option left to any of us who knew and loved Mike. Be assured, to know Mike was to know laughter, enormous hugs, endless debates and great fun. To have Mike in your life was to know a special sort of love.

We will never know for sure why Mike felt it necessary to end his life. He didn’t leave a note or an explanation of any sort. Family, friends and acquaintances were all shocked. Mike suffered from Addison’s disease and we have come to believe that it affected him much more than any of us were ever aware. We may be right or it’s entirely possible that we are simply grasping at an answer that allows us to move forward because the simple fact is that we will never know for sure.

I have found that there is no gentle way of telling others that my son has died. Clearly everyone who knew Mike was affected. The loss is no more or less profound for any of us; it simply is different for each of us. We all knew and loved Mike in different ways. While we grieve and find our own way through the mourning, I find that it’s necessary for me to celebrate every moment of the 23 years that Mike breathed life on this planet.

It’s very meaningful to me that while family and friends stormed the house offering hugs, condolences and of course never-ending food. They also came armed with stories. Mikey-isms for lack of a better term. We have gone through more tissue than I ever imagined possible as we have cried oceans of tears. But in the past 8 weeks, there has also been more laughter shared that I could have imagined possible.  Mike not only was much loved, it’s clear that all who knew him felt loved as well.

Memories of being pregnant with Mike have been resurfacing lately. I’m short and he was one big baby! At the end of my pregnancy, many of my maternity clothes didn’t fit, so it was no surprise to welcome this 9 pound wonder into our lives when he finally joined us.  Mike was a content, happy baby and that is pretty much the way he lived his entire life.

Bill was 3 1/2 and Jeff not quite 2 years old when Mike was born. Mike changed all of our worlds. While most babies wake up crying, by the time he was a few months old we knew Mike was awake because we would hear babbling or even laughing. Are you getting the picture? As he grew, Mike spent much of his time laughing, chattering or simply expressing joy and contentment in various ways. When the boys were small they spent most of their time together. It seems that Billy or Jeffy would frequently ask me to find a way to quiet Mike. He would simply wander around humming or singing under his breath. Happy and content. Needless to say, I never did quiet Mike, it was so much fun to see and hear someone so happy.

As the boys grew, they remained close in many ways although they were and are strongly individual and independent. Mike loved to tease his brothers about being taller than either of them, and often stood on his toes, even in cowboy boots to accentuate the height difference. Still Bill and Jeff were always protective of Mike. Standing up for him and Mike simply took it as his due. When either of them would tease him about being the baby and being a bit spoiled, he would grin and say ‘Yep!’. Quite the interesting crowd, my boys.

Hitting his mid-teens Mike became intensely private about his personal life. Never hiding anything important, simply choosing to keep his own counsel regarding finances, girl-friends, etc. It was of course his option and we respected that about him.

Mike loved playing music. Learning to play the violin when he was a little boy, he bought himself another violin just a few years ago. He played and collected guitars for a while, beginning with the base guitar. And let me tell you, he was pretty good. We thought he had sold or given away all of his guitars, but learned after he died that he still played with a small group of his friends almost every week. Surprise.

Brewing beer, making wine, pickling eggs and hunting. So many things that Mike liked to do and that he shared with family or friends.

We absolutely know that Mike realized completely how deeply he was loved and valued by all. I also believe that each and every person in Mike’s life knew that Mike loved them as well. He shared those feelings with hugs, grins and jokes. Laughing easily and frequently. That’s who Mike was, a joyful, loving young man.

It’s my personal belief that we are born to learn and to teach lessons. When those lessons are complete, I believe that is when we leave this life. It may be by way of natural causes, illness, accident or as in Mike’s case by suicide. It’s entirely possible that my view may change as time passes, but this has always been my belief. I can only speak for myself of course, but I believe that Mike taught me to be a bit more gentle and patient. He taught me that it’s okay to laugh often and loud and that it’s okay to love with all of your heart.

Mike was not a push-over. He stood strong and loud for things he believed in, enjoying the debate and arguing until he was sure you had to have accepted his point of view. Stubborn at times especially when it came to talking about politics or spirituality. He was also open to hearing your point of view and would then share with great eloquence all of his reasons why you were wrong.

Classic country music was his favorite, pretty unusual for a young man his age. But we shared favorites and some of my favorite memories are recent shows we had seen together. We saw Charlie Daniels and had so much fun going to see one of Mike’s all time favorites George Jones. He invited me to go with him because he said no one else he knew would get why he wanted so much to see him perform. It was just flat out fun.

The last week with Mike gave no hints that he planned to go. Leaving for work early each morning and arriving home in the late afternoon. We learned later that he hadn’t gone into work at all that week, but we didn’t know that. The evenings were spent cooking, eating, laughing and watching television. In short, no indication that anything was amiss. Again, leaving us with questions, but truly with no regrets.

I have realized how incredibly blessed I continue to be. Jeff, Bill and of course Bill’s lovely wife Felicia (who we are proud to claim as our daughter) continue to be amazing. I know that each is suffering and moving through this grief in their own way as they each knew Mike in their very own special way. Each has memories that are private and some that they share. My husband John is remarkable. He frequently talks about the fun he had with Mike, cooking and planning meals. How he used to sit at his computer in the living room around the time Mike was expected home so that he could serve the meal soon after Mike arrived. John loved that and so did Mike.

When I share the news of the loss with others there are so many reactions, none of which are wrong of course. Some people move in for a hug, some recoil as though physically assaulted. It’s not personal at all, it’s simply the way they react and momentarily cope with the shock of losing someone so young and in such an unexpected way.

I refuse to acknowledge or accept that there is any stigma attached to suicide. In the past I thought that it was an incredibly selfish act. I ask forgiveness of anyone I ever shared that belief with. I no longer believe that for a moment. Mike was one of the least selfish people I’ve ever known. He hated to inconvenience anyone, always thanking others for doing anything for him and apologizing if he felt they had to go out of their way for him. In fact he used to thank me for giving him shots when he was sick.  Not the behavior of a selfish person.

I have come to believe that suicide was simply the illness that killed Mike. I don’t believe that he wanted to die. It was clear and remains clear to me that Mike truly enjoyed life. Still, there was something that was simply too much for him to bear and so death must have felt like the only alternative. There’s no blame, no anger, no recriminations. Simply lots of love, feelings of being blessed to have had him for the time that we did and profound sadness that he’s no longer here to share our days.

I’m not at all sure how to wrap up this one. I could go on and on – yes, even more than I have already! I guess I’ll simply offer my gratitude for having this remarkable person in my life for 23 years. I’m grateful to have the love and support of an amazing husband, incredible sons, fabulous daughter-in-law and more terrific family and friends than I can begin to acknowledge here.

I would ask you not to worry about any of us. If you knew Mike, a lovely acknowledgment or tribute to him would be to smile and laugh. Watch a crummy old science-fiction movie and enjoy it. Laugh out loud when you hear a joke and hug someone just because you feel like it. Mike would like that, it would make him smile, and Mike smiling was a very good thing

Namaste,

Sandy

Reduce Stress With Hypnotism

Written on December 11, 2010 at 4:33 am, by Sandy Walden

Are you stressed? Perhaps it would make more sense to ask, do you know anyone who isn’t stressed? Sadly, more and more people experience unhealthy stress.

There are excellent options for dealing with everyday stress.  Exercise immediately comes to mind. Meditation and Reiki of course are other powerful methods to calm the mind and allow the body to relax at the same time. Both are incredibly effective and as you well know, I’m a huge fan.

Reiki has changed my life and I’m incredibly grateful. Likewise regular meditation has made some changes that I did not expect, but which I’m very grateful to now be experiencing. However, there are of course other alternatives.

Almost everyone who comes to me to experience hypnosis brings up stress in their lives.  Work stress, stress from school and of course this time of year many people experience incredible stress from dealing with the holidays. Hypnosis can and does help.

While in the hypnotic trance, you sub-conscious and your hypnotist have a little chat. Your conscious mind may be fully aware of the conversation or it may be relaxing to the extent that it has simply handed things over to the sub-conscious for a while. Be assured, that everything your hypnotist says to you, you will be able to remember if that is what you choose. While experiencing hypnosis, you will not go to sleep. The hypnotic trance is instead a state of heightened focus. So, rather than sleeping you are more aware of what your hypnotist is saying to you than at any time. This intense focus on the hypnotist and the suggestions that you are being given is why hypnosis is so effective.

While experiencing hypnosis your hypnotist will give you suggestions. Rest assured these suggestions will work for you only if they resonate with you. For instance, I am absolutely not interested in becoming a lion-tamer. Nope, not me, not for any reason. In fact, I’m opposed to the entire practice for ethical reasons. Because I am so adamantly opposed, believing that the practice is cruel and unethical, my hypnotist would never be able to successfully give me a suggestion to be a lion-tamer.

However, I am not at all opposed to taking a nice walk with my canine companion, Indy. So, if my hypnotist were to give me a suggestion to take a 30 minute walk with my buddy every day, knowing that that activity is enhancing my physical health and allowing me to release stress at the same time, than by golly, that’s just what I would do.

The suggestions would be more detailed and full than that representation, but it’s important to note how very effective they are. If the person being hypnotized wants the suggestions to be effective. The power, the control is always, always, always with the person being hypnotized, never with the hypnotist.  

So, can you reduce your stress with hypnotism? Yes, you can and I highly recommend doing so if you are not having success managing stress on your own. Hypnotism can help you.

This week, I wish you a stress-free seven days of peace, calm and holiday joy. And if you’re feeling stressed, just give me a jingle and we can talk.

Namaste,

Sandy