Please Don’t Should on Me!

Saturday, October 31st, 2009

Do you ever have well intentioned friends or family telling you precisely how you ‘should’ do something? Or tell you after the fact what you ‘should’ have done during a particular situation? Well, I’m working to put a stop to it.

I think I’m going to have some small cards printed up, they will say ‘Please Don’t Should On Me’. I intend to hand one of these cards to anyone who feels that they know just how I need to handle any particular situation. Of course these people always know better than I possibly could.

I’m guilty of it as well, no doubt about it. Sometimes when a friend is telling me about a situation that is happening or they are anticipating, I feel that they will greatly benefit from me sharing my point of view. Sometimes that’s not enough and I actually go over the edge and tell them they should do such and such. The nerve!

It’s not my business to tell anyone how they should handle any situation. If asked, and I repeat, if asked, I believe it’s fine to offer suggestions. How much better to simply be a person who offers support and allows my friend or family member to work it out on their own. I know it’s not a novel idea, but it takes a bit of practice to actually remember this and put it into action. By the way, let’s consider this your holistic life coaching reminder for the day. We all have the answers within us, sometimes we just need to find a way to discover what those answers are.

So, next time we’re chatting I’ll be happy to hear your point of view, answer your questions and appreciate your suggestions. But I will truly appreciate it if you don’t should on me and I will make every effort not to should on you. Maybe I’ll get a few extra cards printed up and share them, together we can eliminate quite a lot of shoulding.

Wishing you a should-free week, filled with love and support from family and friends.

Warmly,
Sandy

Apple Mystery

Saturday, October 24th, 2009

I don’t cook or bake very often anymore, my husband John likes to do it and he’s really very good at it as well. Hooray for me!

Today I decided that I should do a bit of baking. It’s a lovely autumn day, the rain has finally stopped, the dog has been walked and John is outside chopping wood for the fireplace. It seems like the only thing left to do is bake, so I decided to make an apple slab cake. Yummy.

I meandered off to the kitchen, found a recipe and started working on the apples. John came into the kitchen and we chatted a bit, disturbing my rhythm a little, but I didn’t get too far off track. After all, this is one of the things I used to be able to make without a recipe, so I went back to work.

As I got a bit farther along, I realized I didn’t have one or 2 key ingredients. So, I looked at 2 or 3 other recipes. John came in offering suggestions and thoughts before I finally chased him away for good. In the end I wound up making something that I’m going to call apple mystery. I have no idea what this is going to taste like, in fact I’m not even sure what it will look like. But I’m a bit excited to find out.

As I was finishing cleaning up the mess I made while making my apple mystery it occurred to me that this is just what my life is like, and I suspect it’s a bit like yours. So the holistic life coach that lives inside of me decided I needed to share this epiphany with you.

We make plans for where we are going or how we are going to spend our life. But stuff happens, we find out that the plans need to be changed or that we may have to operate without a plan at all. Our lives are an apple mystery.

The fun part of this is that we never know just what today or tomorrow are going to look like. We may have a pretty good idea what we expect but if a few ingredients change, it can all change in a moment.

Is there a lesson here? Sure, but I doubt very much that it’s new to either of us. Go ahead, make plans, set goals and live your life. But when changes occur, when your plans are altered without warning, roll with it as much as possible. Enjoy the apple mystery.

Warmly,
Sandy

Changes

Sunday, October 18th, 2009

Optimistic. Happy. Excited. Those are some of the words I would use if asked how I feel about life these days. I realize that there are big changes going on everywhere. Many people are losing their jobs and we are told many times a day that times are tough. We are in a crisis. Things have not been this dire in years. But that’s just not the way I feel.

I find myself turning off the television and radio and simply ignoring most of the newspaper. It’s not that I’m hiding my head in the sand to avoid reality, it’s just that I’m selective about which reality I want to immerse myself in. The truth is that I’m happy and healthy and so are most of the people that I know. Some have lost their jobs and yes, many have tightened their belts and had to make substantial changes in their lifestyles. What does that mean? It simply means change. Change is neither good nor bad on it’s own, but it does offer options to us.

It seems that many large businesses are closing or paring down. At the same time, many small businesses are healthier than ever.

Many of the people I know, friends and clients are entrepreneurs, others work for small businesses. Most of these people acknowledge that the way they do business has changed substantially, but most of them are enjoying abundance and prosperity at a level that is not being described in the media. Why? Because scary is more dramatic, it sells better. The truth is that I’m not likely to watch the news if I think the announcer is only going to talk about the fact that the businesses operated just fine today. All the children showed up on time, healthy and happy for school and all is generally A-okay all over town.

We get excited, all worked up about bad news. It motivates us to get out there and save someone or something. That’s great! Now let’s get just as excited about the good news.

I have to say that life is changing for me, personally and professionally. Particularly this time of year I find that I really enjoy the changes. I deliberately make changes in the house from rearranging items to changing colors. It elevates my mood and helps me to get ready for the holiday season and colder weather.

What can you do to learn to flow with the inevitable changes that life brings? I suggest a few things. First and foremost I encourage you to simply turn off negative messages whenever possible. That may mean only listening to the television or radio news long enough to hear about the weather and sports. Better yet, why not read a newspaper and select which articles you want to read. That way you have control of what messages you are receiving and when. If you find yourself surrounded by negative people, either change the subject or simply excuse yourself as soon as possible.  Refuse to add to  the conversation when gossip starts.

Another of my favorite tools is color. Most of us react very strongly to color whether we realize it or not. Wear colors that make you feel happy. Surround yourself with these colors if at all possible. I don’t mean that you have to refurnish entire rooms, adding pillows, candles or even flowers can bring in colors which have a dramatic affect on your mood.

Music is another powerful tonic to gloomy days. Most of us have a favorite song or CD, listening to it always puts us in a good mood, so put it on whenever you have the opportunity.

Of course I add Reiki, it always helps me to regain my focus and balance and to relieve the stress in my life.

Making a list of the things I’m grateful for, the blessings in my life, reminds me that while my life may be unfolding in a way that was not originally part of my plans, I always have much to be grateful. This always helps my mood.

It’s important to be sure to use good self-care when going through stressful change. It can help to balance the emotions and of course¬¨‚Ć things like eating right and exercising not only keep you healthy, but make you stronger in mind and body to handle whatever is happening, hopefully in a more positive manner. The holistic life coach in me just couldn’t wrap this up without getting in a plug for self-care.

Change is inevitable. Some changes will be tougher to get through, but I know we will do better if we stick together and work together to make the outcome positive for all. In short the outcome is not pre-destined, we have options. Arm yourself with a few tools for tough situations and know how to lighten up your tough days. We can and will get through these changes and more will come. Exciting isn’t it?

Wishing you a fabulous week of changes.

Warmly,

Sandy

Thank You and Welcome

Saturday, January 24th, 2009

As always, I’m proud to be a holistic life coach who lives in Milwaukee, Wisconsin, one of the fine states in the United States of America. The events of this last week make me even more proud.

First of all we say so long, but not good-by to a good, decent man who was our president for eight years. President Bush served us with honesty, decency and integrity. I have to say when I watched his farewell address on Tuesday night I was immensely proud. This fine man thanked Americans all over the globe, paid tribute to who have served with him and gave special thanks to our military. As a mom of a former Air Force member, I appreciated that very much. Most important, Mr. Bush assured his fellow Americans that he respects and appreciates and has confidence in our new president, President Obama. Job well done, thank you so very much.

For his part, President Obama thanked the out-going administration for a job well done. He spoke with respect of our past presidents and assures all Americans, regardless of political affiliations that he will be striving to do his best for all.

I see hopeful faces whenever the conversation about politics opens up. Americans have elected our first president of color and for many this encourages them to become engaged in the political and voting process as never before. From my point of view, I encourage all to be supportive of our new president. As far as I’m concerned it doesn’t matter who I voted for, we as a country have selected our new president. It’s now my job to stand behind him, respectfully speak up about policies that I do not like and strongly get behind those that I do support. I do not see our president so much as a Democrat or Republican as our leader. President Obama is the president of all Americans and I believe that we will all benefit if we find a way to work with one another with respect and a positive attitude.

So, once again I would like to thank President Bush for all that he has done for our country, I appreciate it and wish him and his family health, prosperity and peace.

I would also like to welcome President Obama. I wish him success as he works hard for all Americans; I also wish him and his family health, prosperity and peace.

Wishing you a fabulous day, filled with hope and excitement as all Americans celebrate the beginning of a new presidency.

Warmly,
Sandy

Thanks for the Blue Water

Saturday, January 3rd, 2009

We’re all familiar with the line ‘little things mean a lot’. I think that’s true, little things are very important. Small compliments make us feel warm inside and leave us smiling for hours, sometimes days.

We have three grown sons. One of them sold his condo last spring and has spent most of the time between then and now traveling, working from his laptop where ever he may be at the moment. He has recently come back to town for a visit and has been staying with us. During this time we have of course tried to do what we can do make him feel at home. Nothing major, his favorite peanut butter cookies made with crunchy peanut butter, his favorite meals now and then and of course there’s the blue toilet water. When he was a little boy he was always so excited when I would use the blue toilet bowl cleansing tablets, so I’ve been using them again since he came home. Apparently he noticed and really appreciated this because he came up to me one day, gave me a big hug and said ‘thanks for the blue water, I love that!.

Every time I think about that comment, hug and grin it makes me feel warm and I know that I’ve got a silly grin on my face. I appreciate that he made it a point to tell me about his excitement. It’s motivated me as well. When I think about his comment it reminds me that it doesn’t take much to lift someone’s spirits. What a wonderful, easy way to make myself and others feel better. How cool is that?

As a life coach I encourage you to take positive action. Keep in mind how little things, small kind gestures, friendly smiles and genuinely friendly comments affect you. Then take the opportunity to pass along these gestures, smiles and comments to others. They’ll feel good, you’ll feel good. I do believe that’s a win for all. And if I may make a suggestion, you might want to try the blue water to get even more smiles.

Wishing you a fabulous day, filled with little things that make you smile.

Warmly,
Sandy

The Amazing Toddler

Saturday, November 15th, 2008

Observe the amazing toddler. They know who they like and trust. Even better, they never hesitate to show it! If a small child likes you they smile, giggle and follow you around. You get lots of wet, slimy, wonderful kisses. Lots of sticky jelly hugs. And every time you take a step that wonderful child is under your feet. Why? Because they like you! And when a toddler or small child likes you, they don’t hesitate at all to show it, in every possible way. It’s great!

Small children are the life coaches teaching us what we once knew, and I hope that we are willing to re-learn. I’m convinced that the world would be a much better, certainly a much happier place if we would take a page from the book of toddlers. Too often we are uncomfortable telling someone that we like them. Much too often we don’t tell others that we love them.

I occurs to me that there are many people I really like that may not know how I feel about them. It’s time to fix that, time to take positive action. I have no business suggesting to others that they get going on this unless I’m willing to take some action myself. So, I am going to be sure that I stop holding back. I will hug more, smile more and tell others how much I like and appreciate them, for who they are and for what I feel when I am with them. When it comes to those that I love, I realize that I take them for granted far too often. While I tell them often that I love them, it’s time to tell them why I love them and how grateful I am to have them in my life.

I encourage you to live a day offering your sincere appreciation for friends and love ones. Give it one day, I bet you’ll feel so good that you decide to do it again and again.

Wishing you a day filled with the fabulous feelings of friendship and love.

Warmly,
Sandy

Who Knew?

Wednesday, October 29th, 2008

Good or kind deeds. If we give it some thought we might think of the Boy Scout offering to help the elderly lady across the street. That qualifies!

Do you know what these deeds accomplish? So much more than you may immediately realize. When a good deed is done the serotonin levels rise, this is the ‘happy’ chemical in the brain and the immune system is strengthened. Who does this happen to? Who reaps these amazing benefits? The recipient as we may well expect, but also the person who is offering the kindness.

Wait! It gets better!!! Not only do the recipient and receiver realize these valuable boosts but every single person who observes the kindness also gets this amazing boost.

Now this may well be the Boy Scout and the elderly lady, but it can be any kindness or good deed. Helping the small child to tie his shoes, offering a hug to someone that is down, picking up someone’s keys when they’ve dropped them, or of course paying college tuition for a total stranger would also qualify.

So, in this hurried world, take time to offer kindnesses, small deeds. We all reap the benefits.

Wishing you a fabulous day, noticing and appreciating kindness and good deeds.

Warmly,
Sandy

This Life Coach Needs People!

Saturday, October 4th, 2008

I’m a pretty social person, my husband…not so much. Now he’s a great guy and he enjoys being with family and

My five favorite guys, good reasons for me to keep in contact.

friends, but frankly he gets pretty much all of his social needs met by spending time with our grown kids, the occasional outing with friends and spending those 24 hour shifts with ‘the guys’ at the firehouse.

As for me, I need people! I need to work, see, talk to, play with and generally interact with many more people. Much of my daily life is handled on the telephone, and while I appreciate and enjoy this very much, I also have an absolute need to spend time being in the actual physical proximity of other people.

So, I do a couple of things. I attend business networking groups, I’ve joined a book club (I love to read!), I take my dog for lots of walks or to the dog park where I am sure to meet people with similar interests. I go to Curves, a gym for women, it’s chatty and friendly, and I get to fit in the dreaded work-out while I’m having a great time getting to know the other women. Having lunch or seeing a movie with a dear friend is always fun. It’s not unusual at all for me to call a friend or one of my boys to invite them to just come over and hang out; we might have a meal together or simply enjoy a glass of wine outside by the fire.

Years ago, this was a bit more difficult for me. My husband works as a firefighter and that often meant that he was gone. Most of the time I appreciate and enjoy my alone time, but sometimes I need that social contact. For me that meant getting involved in…oh, so many things. When my boys were younger, I not only took them to Scouts, I got very involved. It was a great way to get to know the other boys and their families that my boys were interacting with. And it was fun being a leader for so many years. The same with school, I participated in many activities. As my sons got older my social activities revolved around them less and less. Yahoo! It was time for me to be a grown up again. It’s been terrific finding my own interests and participating in things that I truly enjoy.

Now, keep in mind I mentioned earlier that my husband would rather spend most of his time with me. That’s fine! When he’s around I spend a great deal of time with him, he compromises by doing a few social activities with me and I compromise by doing most of my socializing during his work days. Of course I do spend some time doing my own thing when he’s home, but with each of us doing just a bit of bending it works very well.

So, the life coach in me wants to turn this into a lesson. You didn’t think I was just rambling on did you? Early on I discovered that I had much more need for social outlets than my sweet husband. We talked about it and decided that the most positive and satisfying way to work this out was just the solution I have already described. That was the action part, in case you missed it. There’s no way that my husband can fulfill all of my social needs and for me to drag him everywhere would make both of us miserable. So, our solution is a positive for both of us.

Wishing you the fabulous joys of as much or as little social activity as is right for you.

Warmly,
Sandy

Friends

Saturday, September 27th, 2008

I am blessed to have wonderful friends. Some are actually family (yes, it’s okay to be friends with family! lol). I still have some friends from grade school that I only see or have the opportunity to get together with once every few years. When we get together it’s as though we are still kids, hanging out during the Wisconsin winter and finding so much to do to keep ourselves busy. Other friends are of more recent acquaintance, some I’ve known for 20 years and others less than a year. Yet I find that every year they are more and more precious to me.

From the life coaching point of view I’ve come to realize that it makes sense to have such a broad range of friends. Each friend or group of friends has come to be very special to me and has supported me at different times in my life, I never want to forget or stop appreciating that love and support.

The friends of my childhood and teenage years know a Sandy that has grown and changed in amazing ways. Who would have ever thought that the quick tempered rather shy girl would have become a life coach? And these friends have grown and changed as well, when we get together we reminisce and appreciate the qualities that drew us together long ago, all over again.

Some very important friends were people that I came to know when I was raising my children. Most of them were also raising kids; some of us had our boys in Scouts together, shared church activities, sports, etc. Our kids and these activities gave us a strong connection and some of these friendships have become much more back-burner since the kids have all grown. They’re still very important and the fondness I have for them hasn’t dwindled, I simply see them much less often. They kept me sane through the child-rearing years and for that I’ll always have a special place for them in my heart.

I have gardening buddies. They share my love of puttering in the dirt. We share plants, plans for our yards, frustrations with lack or excess of water, sun, etc. These amazing people all make me feel very optimistic; they are all looking forward to a better, more beautiful tomorrow.

Some of my more recent friends share my personal interests much more than the interests of my husband and children. It makes sense, my boys have grown, my husband has his own interests and I’m now making friends much like those of my childhood, are much more tuned in to my personality, hobbies and interests. It’s very exciting!

All in all I would like to thank my friends, new and old. Each one of you has loved and supported me in ways that you probably are not even aware of. In many ways, each of you has been a wonderful life coach, you have taught me, motivated me and pushed me to grow. I thank each and every one of you for being my friend.

I wish you a day filled with love and support from fabulous friends.

Warmly,
Sandy

Choose Kindness

Monday, September 22nd, 2008

Think back a moment. All the way back to when you were a small child. When we were heard to say something that was hurtful, we probably heard our Mom tell us ‘If you can’t say something nice, don’t say anything at all.’ Mom was a great life coach! And as is often the case, she was right for many reasons.

When we say something hurtful, mean or vicious we are directing it at someone but it reflects directly on us. The person we are criticizing may or not be there in person, but the impression is usually a lasting one. The impression that we are unkind and sometimes even petty. Why? Because what we say is always about us, not the person we are talking about.

Simple coaching lesson here, everything I say is about me, nothing I say is about you. What does that mean? If I compliment you on the beautiful yard you have landscaped it’s true that I’m trying to convey my appreciation of your talents. It’s really about how I feel and my point of view. Who knew? Yes, it’s true that I want you to feel good, appreciated and respected, but again, that’s about what I want, isn’t it? If you do feel good, appreciated and respected then I in turn feel good because I brought that about. My comments are about me, not you.

By the same token, if I criticize you, tell you that you yard is untidy and makes the neighborhood look shoddy, what and who do you think this is really about? It would appear that it’s about you and that’s certainly what you will feel like, but if you step back and think about it, in reality I am telling you that your yard bothers me, and that I feel like I am being damaged. But by being harsh and possibly even cruel I have hurt you and made the distinct impression that I am a very unpleasant person. Is anything positive accomplished in this manner? I think not.

So, let’s take a moment and think about it. If it turns out that everything I say is in reality about me and is indeed a reflection of me, I need to make some choices here. What did Mom tell me? How can I put it into action? Kindness. It’s just that easy isn’t it? It’s easy to be kind when we want to convey something positive, such as complimenting the neighbor on their lovely landscaping. But, is there a kind way to deal with the neighbor that let’s their yard be somewhat shoddy? I think so.

It begins with a smile. I absolutely guarantee you that anything you have to say to me I will hear more easily if you smile when you say it. Find something to compliment. So you think the neighbors’ yard is a disaster and it makes you a bit crazy because you can see the weeds oozing into your yard. There’s a good chance that going over and yelling is only going to result in a shouting match or possibly a black eye. Try going over with a smile and a friendly comment or two. You break the ice and offer kindness. As you chat with this neighbor you may find that you have more in common that you know. Who knows what is going on in this person’s life? It’s possible that there are reasons for the oozing weeds, maybe they are overwhelmed with work, someone may be ill in their house, and they simply may not know or care about the weeds. We had a neighbor who grew their own bumper crop of dandelions…ugh. I made myself crazy about it because I was so proud of my weed-free yard. It turned out that they really didn’t know what to do about the weeds weren’t very bothered by them and were just too busy to deal with them in any case. As we chatted over a few friendly visits I invited her to my yard, she would comment on the flowers or play area for the kids. These were my opportunities to say how grateful I was that we didn’t have a lot of prickly weeds in the areas the kids played, that mulch controlled weeds in the flowers easily, etc. In short, instead of criticizing her yard I shared my thoughts and efforts about my yard. Eventually, she got the message, I think because it was friendly. Their yard never became weed-free. But she tried to keep them manageable and I always made a point of telling her how nice her yard looked. She felt good, I was happier.

Our kids, partners, even our pets all respond to kindness much easier then harshness. Screaming and yelling at a 6 year old little boy to stop bouncing on the couch will probably on result in him crying and starting to bounce again in a few minutes. Giving him a pillow on the floor and asking him to bounce on it instead and applauding his efforts is more likely to keep his sanity and mine. Shouting at my dog for barking at the leaves in the yard will only result in him running away from me and barking at me. Diverting his attention with a happy voice and giving him something else to do is much more likely to result in us both being happier and a bit less frustrated. I’m sure you get the idea. Take a deep breath, smile and remember that everything you say is truly a reflection of you. Try kindness.

Kindness feels good. It’s really that simple. When I am kind to you, I feel good and there’s a good chance you do too. So listen to the coach here, be nice to someone today. It works.

Wishing you a day of practicing kindness, I know it will make you feel fabulous and I’m sure those around you will notice and appreciate your efforts.

With warmth,
Sandy