Women Friends

Saturday, May 9th, 2009

Men, for most of my life I’ve been surrounded by men. Oh, not in the way you might imagine. They’ve just been everywhere!

I remember growing up in Milwaukee, Wisconsin, my brother was my first playmate and friend. Okay that explains one male, but for some reason the entire time I was growing up from very small throughout my teenage years, most of my friends were boys and then of course young men.

I grew up and married a wonderful man, and went on to have three sons; do you see a common theme? I chuckle when I realize that even the dogs who have shared my home since I’ve been married have all been male. Now the holistic life coach part of me says that this fact that I was surrounded by men led me to more likely continue to be surrounded by men, and I think that’s correct. Like energy attracts like energy, pretty simple, basic and true. Even now, some of my closest friends are men and I love every one of them. Still, I have to admit, I don’t understand from a personal viewpoint a lot of what makes them operate in the fashion that they do. Their brains don’t always work the same way as mine. I appreciate that, but sometimes I crave someone who does think more as I do.

Enter the women. While as I said, most of my friends have been men, I’ve always had a few very dear friends that were women and I cherish those friendships. These days I find that my life is filled with more and more powerful, smart, exciting and simply fun women. Yahoo!

Circumstances have changed. My sons grew up and I’m no longer involved in Boy Scouts and all of the largely male dominated activities that accompanied raising boys. In the past few years choices regarding the way I want to spend my time have led me to spend more and more time with women.

Changing careers was part of that shift. When I became a holistic life coach I began realizing that I was dealing with women more frequently than with men. It soon became clear to me that while I was attracted to working with men here and there, I had moved to a place in my life where I was much more attracted to the idea of working with people who shared some of my life experiences from my perspective, those who were more likely to be wired to think in a similar fashion to the way I think. I realized that I wanted a stronger connection with my own kind so to speak. It’s been interesting for me to realize how much I value the strength and the warmth of these women. They’re fun, engaging and determined to move forward in their lives in a deliberate, productive manner.

Reiki has been much the same. While it’s true that I decided to work with a man while going through my master/teacher apprenticeship, almost every one of my other connections concerning Reiki have been women. I’m not at all sure why that is. Well, that’s not true. Once again I know that is what I am attracting into my life and the truth is that I’m very grateful. That energy of excitement, contentment and gratitude continues to attract more women into my life on a continual basis. Most of the Reiki clients that I see are women. And then there are the amazing women that I have come to know and love that gather with me once a month for a Reiki share. We could not be more different in age, background and life experience. But we have come to appreciate and love one another.

For me, that’s the power of women. Politically correct or not, I believe that nurturing on some level comes very naturally to most women. I find that the lovely ladies who I am now proud to call friends actually care about one another, are pleased to see one another succeed and support one another without hesitation when a call is put out. Part of me has been surprised to realize how seamlessly women integrate personal with business.

The women that I am now proud to call friends come from all walks of life. Some are professional, with their own businesses or working for large businesses. Others go to work for someone else every day in grocery stores, restaurants, etc. Still others stay at home, raising families and taking care of the home. Age range has become much more diverse than I would have expected several years ago as well. I have friends from their early 20′ to mid 80′s and we all have enough in common to keep us strongly connected. Politics, food, sexual orientation, religion, food, hobbies, wine, food, sex, gardening and men. We talk about it all, ask questions and try to understand one another, and yes we usually manage to bring a bit of food to the situation as well while we are solving the problems of the world. I think it’s part of that tendency to nurture one another, make each other comfortable and show that we care about one another.

I so appreciate the diversity of these women. I am learning so much! I’ve found that even when we have discussions where our thoughts and beliefs are very different that the conversation doesn’t become hostile. It certainly can become lively, but it stays respectful and I always come away seeing another point of view a bit more clearly.

Of course this appeals to both the life coach and Reiki parts of me. I believe that we get what we ask for, whether it’s deliberate or not. As a holistic life coach I am very aware that every one of these friendships supports me on both a personal and professional level. That gives me confidence to expect more of the same and as I go about my day I realize that I am meeting and getting to know more women who are simply adding to the richness of my life on every level, every day. It’s easy to be grateful for all of this and to expect more of the same or even better the next day. It’s a wonderful cycle. And it’s been an awful lot of fun.

So, thank you ladies. I’m grateful and proud to call you each of you friend.

This week, I encourage you to take a look around you, notice and appreciate the fabulous gifts that you receive every day from the women in your life.

Warmly,
Sandy

Wonderful, Wonderful Day

Monday, May 4th, 2009

Saturday, May 2nd was the date for our first Reiki Healing Circle for Special Needs Children and their families and caregivers.

To begin with the weather was lovely. Here in Milwaukee, Wisconsin you don’t know what to expect in early May. Even a snowstorm is a possibility, but instead we were blessed with a day that was sunny, warm and just delightful.

The purpose of this free monthly event is to offer Reiki to special needs children, their families and their caregivers. As co-founder of this event I’ve been blogging about it frequently, posting to social networking sites and emailing people that I know. I felt sure that all of these wonderful contacts would bring in the Reiki practitioners and families to make this a success. That’s just what happened. I started getting a call here, an email there from people I had never met, we had a connection and it was wonderful.

Reiki is energy healing; as such it is not limited by distance or space. Meaning that Reiki practitioners did not have to be in the room to send Reiki to these families. Likewise, while families were certainly welcome to attend in person, they did not need to attend to receive Reiki.

In the end, there were thirteen Reiki practitioners in attendance. One Reiki level I, 4 level II practitioners and 9 Reiki masters. Several others could not be in attendance but set the intention for all of these families to receive Reiki and ‘sent’ from their distant locations. Two families with special needs children were able to attend in person, we sent distant Reiki to 3 other families. The love and energy in that room was awesome to say the least. I didn’t want to leave. Finally I did need to move on with my day, but I have to say, the feeling of love, caring and Reiki energy stayed with me for the rest of the day and the next as well.

I would like to offer my most sincere thanks to the families who attended. Please know that each and every one of you will be sent Reiki from now on with love and gratitude. To my Reiki friends, new and old I send my love and gratitude. I knew you wouldn’t let me down, that you would step up to the plate for these deserving families, but I could not have dreamed of the response that was received.

I know each and every one of us participated in this event with the desire to give back to our community. We wanted to offer what we could to these very special families. But I have to say, I think we got at least as much as we gave. The hugs I received from these families were worth every second that I’ve devoted the past several weeks. In fact, just thinking about it allows me to feel small arms around my neck even now and brings tears of joy. I know I got the better end of this deal and can’t wait to participate in this event every month.

If there’s a lesson here for the holistic life coach, it’s simply that when we give from the heart, we always get much more in return. I feel humbled, honored and blessed to have been able to share the wonderful gift of Reiki with these families and with my Reiki friends. I’d say that I got an awful lot in return for my time.

Wishing you a week spent giving to others, you’ll enjoy fabulous gifts in return.

With love,
Sandy

Reiki Healing Circle – Update

Saturday, April 4th, 2009

I’d like to update you about this wonderful project.

Reiki Circle for Special Needs Children, their Families and Caregivers
Saturday, May 2, 2009 10am
2534 S. Kinnickinnic Ave. Suite 202
Milwaukee, WI 53207
2 Hour event – once a month
(There are no chairs, so please bring a chair if you would like to sit)

To recap a bit. We are putting together a monthly event for the purpose of offering Reiki to special needs children, their families and caregivers. Those who choose to receive Reiki will simply have a seat in the center of the room while those offering Reiki will either stand or sit in a circle surrounding the receivers. For approximately fifteen (15) minutes, Reiki will be offered.

Please note, we now have a location (special thanks to Reiki master Jeff Montoya for making the arrangements for this wonderful space). We have also set a time to begin, 10am on Saturday, May 2, 2009.

Now I’m calling on everyone I know and those that I hope to get to know for some assistance. In order to make this monthly gathering happen we still need a few things.

1. Special needs children; do you know any families who may benefit from this experience? Do you have any contact with someone who does? Groups, centers, etc. If you know of someone who would be interested in receiving, please pass along my contact information so that we may make the appropriate arrangements.

2. Publicity – let’s get the word out, Internet, television, radio, newspaper, magazines. The more people find out about this, the more can be served.

4. Reiki practitioners of all levels. If you are in the area we would be honored if you are able to join us in person for these events. If you are not able to attend, we would greatly appreciate and welcome distant Reiki.

5. Public figures, does anyone know of a politician, elected or aspiring to office who might like to lend their face and name to this project? It may greatly increase visibility and get the word out to more families.

I have no doubt that this will be a wonderful success. How can it fail to be a success? Those of us who are able to offer Reiki are already blessed by the opportunity to share and the opportunity to come together and offer this to others simply increases our blessings. Now we’d like to share this wonderful blessing with others in our community.

I’m asking you to keep us in mind this week as you go about your business. If you know of someone who might be able to assist, participate or help out in any way,
please don’t hesitate to let me know.

Your support and any participation that you offer for this powerful event is greatly appreciated. Please feel free to contact me via email or give me a call at 414….

Namaste,
Sandy

Justice

Saturday, February 7th, 2009

One of my favorite authors is Don Miguel Ruiz. His book ‘The Four Agreements’ is a quick and easy read, only about 140 pages, but I think it’s deceptively simple. In fact I think it’s quite profound. I read this book often, however, I find that when I listen to it on audio-book I notice and appreciate it in a whole new way.

Yesterday I was driving up to the lake and listening to this book once again. What struck me was what he had to say about justice. Let me put this into my own words and of course give you my point of view. Basically, he says that if there was justice regarding people, once we have made a mistake we would own it and move on. There would be no lingering guilt and no on-going recriminations. Wow, what a concept!

The truth is that my dog gets it. When I’m in a bad mood and he makes me a bit crazy I sometimes slip and shout at him. As soon as I realize what I’ve done and I apologize, offer him a snuggle and a rub behind the ears, Indy forgives me completely. He doesn’t bring it up every time I’m crabby, he doesn’t remind me that I was snotty next time he wants a treat and I don’t offer it up quick enough. In short, I hurt his feelings, I apologized, and Indy forgave. Nice.

The problem is that as humans we seem to operate with a different set of rules. When someone hurts us we bring it up again and again. Sometimes verbally, sometimes intentionally, often just by thinking about it and being cautious with the offender long after the offense. As a holistic life coach, I think it’s really important to remember that any time I choose to hold this offense against someone, it affects me as well. For justice to be served at its best, after an offense is committed and apology accepted, the offense would be forgotten. Not just forgiven but actually forgotten.

If my husband has come home late, caused me to worry I might well be angry. However, after he has apologized and I say he is forgiven neither of us is served well by my reminding him the next day to come home on time to avoid my wrath. All that happens then is that he is on edge and I’m all ready to get upset again. Of course this is the most simplistic example, but the point is the same regarding justice at any level. We do not forgive simply for the sake of the offender, but for the sake of the offended as well. If I’m living with the thought of something that was done to me, rehashing again and again, I’m letting that offense color my entire life. By the same token, even if punishment was meted out, every time I bring up the offense I am punishing the offender again and again. Never letting it go, never allowing either of us to move on in a healthy and productive way.

Of course I recommend that you read the book. This subject and many others is addressed in detail and put much better than I ever could. Just the same, I wanted to share my thoughts. Let’s make an effort to not only forgive, but to truly forgive. We’ll all be much healthier and happier for the effort.

Wishing you a fabulous day, filled with forgiveness and justice.

Warmly,
Sandy

Are you Connected?

Saturday, January 31st, 2009

My five favorite guys, good reasons for me to keep in contact.

Friends and family are important to me, so I try to send cards, make phone calls, and basically keep in touch. The truth is that sometimes I’m just not as good at it as I would like to be. Life gets busy, it’s just that simple. Now you are welcome to tell me that as a holistic life coach I should be aware of how very important these relationships are, and you would be right! I am aware, but I still get behind from time to time.

Enter the picture, the Internet. I was not at all sure when I started tooling around on the Internet that I would ever be comfortable, but it’s done so much for me. Email saved my sanity. When our eldest son, Bill, was deployed we had an easy way of communicating with him. Naturally he was not often able to catch up on his emails, but I had the ability to write a few lines or a short novel anytime I passed the computer, it was terrific. This absolutely did not replace cards and letters, but it allowed me to know that what I was saying him was instantly available to him when he had the opportunity to read it. The same story is true when our son Jeff travels, a great way to stay connected. At this point most of my family and friends at least check out their email once a week or so, I love that.

Facebook has entered my world more recently. Now I’ve got to admit I was a bit reluctant about the whole social page thing. I didn’t understand it, truly a few things about Facebook still confuse the daylights out of me, but I’m having fun with it. It’s given me a way to find some friends that I have not spoken with for a while, I can post pictures, send short messages and best of all find out what my family and friends are doing by just taking a quick peek. It’s awesome!

Now, I’m not suggesting that we abandon phone calls, greeting cards and personal visits. All of these are amazing. What I am suggesting is that when things get busy and we find ourselves feeling a bit lonely or simply missing those we care about, the Internet offers another option. After all, my job as a life coach is to offer alternatives and suggestions, to find another way to approach the situation.

Wishing you a fabulous day connecting with family and friends.

With warmth,
Sandy

Teachers

Saturday, December 27th, 2008

I was thinking about my parents the other day when the most obvious conclusion came to me, they are and have always been awesome life coaches.

From my earliest memory my parents have taught me to try to find the positive side to almost any situation. They never denied whatever circumstances existed, they simply put their efforts into improving that situation and they taught their children to try to do the same.

Back in 1973 my dad broke his neck in a diving accident. The result was that he became a quadriplegic. During the next year, my mom split her days, going to the hospital for several hours in the morning to be with my dad, learning about his new disability and being his strongest supporter. She would then come home to be with us four kids, my elder brother was fourteen at the time, I was 12 and my two younger sisters were 8 and 3 years old. My mom would supervise homework and dinner and then taking one or two of the kids with her she would return to the hospital until 9 at night. She kept this routine day in and day out. While I remember her crying and being naturally upset, she didn’t dwell on it. I don’t remember her ranting or carrying on, I simply remember that life changed and she rolled with it well. She kept in close contact with my aunt and uncle who lived nearby, accepted and appreciated their amazing support. My mom is a terrific life coach.

When I would go to see my dad he would smile and laugh as he always had. He showed us how he was learning to do wheelies in his wheelchair, telling us all about the physical therapy he was going through everyday as he learned to walk again and making sure that we got to know the other men in the ward, all of whom had suffered some type of spinal cord injury. He did all he could to put us at ease and to teach us that while everyone there had some sort of injury, each one of them had plans to go back to his life and family as soon as possible. In short life goes on and he taught us to look forward to it with optimism and enthusiasm. My dad is a fabulous life coach as well.

As the years went by, my mom went to nursing school to become an LPN, she always told us that my dad being disabled gave her this opportunity as he was now home with the kids. She took positive action and made positive strides forward, again showing all of us that she was a great life coach.

My dad accepted his new found limitations, taking on the roles of head cook and chief babysitter. He always told us and tells us to this day, that every day is a bonus. As the years went by my dad continued to work hard to keep the mobility that he had gained in the year after he got hurt. The doctors told him that he would never be able to walk again, but he did, showing us that having a goal and a positive, determined attitude makes anything possible. I told you he was a terrific life coach.

Time has gone on. In 1973 my dad was told that he had an outside chance of living for another 15 years. I remember that he used to laugh at that, and I think he’s still laughing. It’s now 35 years since his accident. He no longer walks, using a wheelchair to get around now as his condition has deteriorated in recent years. But here’s the thing, my parents are still showing us how to move forward in a positive manner. They are not a sweet, cuddly couple that’s likely to gush about one another. Instead they are loud, friendly and sometimes crabby, but underneath all the noise as they laugh, tease and make good natured fun of one another, there is no doubt about the respect, optimist and love that they still demonstrate very clearly. Each of their children and grandchildren has been blessed to be witness to this behavior and attitude and I have to believe that we are all the better because of their teachings. I’m very grateful to have been raised by amazing life coaches and teachers.

Wishing you a day filled with optimism, enthusiasm and wonderful life coaches.

Warmly,
Sandy

Subtle or Direct, What Works For You?

Saturday, September 13th, 2008

My eldest son recently married a wonderful young woman. While we were chatting one day she mentioned something about my son not always picking up subtle hints. I suggested giving up on the hints and taking a more direct approach, state exactly what she would like him to do. They are discovering so much about each other and realizing they each have slightly different ways of communicating. They’re working at figuring it out; I think they’ll be fine. That’s both the mom in me and the life coach speaking.

Since that little chat, I have given this a lot of thought. It’s occurred to me that a lot of aggravation and disappointment is caused by this simple type of misunderstanding. If she keeps dropping hints and he never acts on them, her feelings may be hurt and then she could very likely become angry because she thinks that he is simply being inconsiderate. From his point of view, he thinks all is well. After all, no one has informed him of anything different. Oh maybe she’s feeling a bit grumpy, but he asked if anything was bothering her and she said no, so it must be that she needs a nap. Ug

Time for a bit of life coaching here. It’s really pretty basic and so simple that you already know what I’m going to say, I’m sure.

They need to have a little talk about communication styles. It needs to be out loud, in actual words, face to face and preferably with smiles on their faces. She probably needs to bite the bullet and simply be more direct with him. For example, instead of piling all of his dirty socks on top of his favorite baseball cap, thinking this will convince him to put them in the clothes hamper, she probably needs to ask him to put them in the hamper. For his part, he needs to make an actual effort to communicate clearly as well and also when he is really not clear about what are probably hints ask! Again with a smile. Think of how much aggravation will be avoided.

I found that when my boys grew up and moved away from home I missed them. Who knew? While I had told them I would appreciate hearing from them often the truth is that their idea of often and mine were incredibly different. I found myself missing them and wanting to hear from them more frequently. How did I fix this? My solution was to phone and leave a message, telling me that I need to hear them tell me how much they loved, adored and missed me and that when they had done this I wouldn’t call them for another week or so. Within a day or two I would get a call from a smiling boy (you can always hear the smile over the phone) and he would tell me just what I needed to hear. I do the same thing with my husband. If I am feeling a bit neglected, I simply ask him to tell me that he loves me, how fabulous he thinks I am and how lucky we are to be together. He will smile and repeat everything that I have asked him to say, what a great guy! I’m happy because I know he means it, he’s happy because he knows that he’s given me exactly what I needed at the moment. We’re both feeling happy and no one is feeling neglected or misunderstood.

My point here is that as nice as it would be for us to communicate through hints and clues, for many of us it simply is not all that effective. In this day of very busy lives, we often don’t  have the luxury of face to face communication. In the past we did have that luxury and so much of our communication was body language, hints and subtleties were much more easily understood. Since we now rely on phone calls, emails and quick little chats with one another, we need to be sure that we are easily understood. When we speak calmly, clearly and directly we are much more likely to have our needs and desires understood and that makes it much more likely they will be met.

Please clearly understand, I wish you a fabulous day,
Sandy

Lessons from My Dogs

Thursday, July 31st, 2008

Did you know that some life coaches have four furry feet?

Some of the most amazing life coaches I have ever known have been the boxers who have come to live with us. As I watch Indy, it occurs to me that dogs know how to live a positive, stress free life and inspire others to do the same.

Indy is the third boxer that has been a part of our lives. These amazing dogs have taught me so much. I watched Rocky put up with unbelievable silliness of three very little boys. While he romped and played with them, he also watched over them with love and devotion. He was an unbelievably friendly dog, but he always stood between any of my little boys and someone they might not know. One of my favorite memories was of Rocky sharing an ice cream with my eldest son. Not terribly hygienic I know, but it’s amazing to remember my son taking a lick from the cone and then Rock would lick. They shared an entire cone in this manner. Now that’s love and patience.

Rascal was the next boxer to become part of our lives. He taught our boys and their friends that it was okay to be a bit goofy even when they were growing into teenagers. He would romp and play and follow them around just waiting for a game to start or someone to stop and rub his ears. The boys would forget they were supposed to be ‘big, tough boys’ and would talk in sweet sing-song voice to Rascal, enticing him to play. When they would ‘camp out’ on the family room floor, he taught them the value of sharing as he would curl up on someones blanket. None of those boys, my own sons or any of their friends, ever asked Rascal to move. They simply shared. And they were rewarded for their kindness with boxer slobber and snorts. High praise indeed!

Rocky and Rascal have passed and now Indy lives with us. My sweet boy is always eager for a game of tug or a walk and each time I walk in the door he’s as excited to see me as if I had been gone for weeks.

Each of these dogs has reminded me of the most simple yet profound lessons. Expect wonderful things from the day, and you’ll always find something that makes you happy. Greet everyone as though they are loved and you will be treated with love in return. Share your most precious gifts (slimy toys in their case) and others will share with you.

I could go on and on, but anyone who has ever been fortunate enough to know and love a dog, knows just what I’m talking about. So for today, I’d like to thank my wonderful dogs for the lessons they have shared and that Indy continues to teach and share. They are indeed wonderful life coaches.

For today, look around and find an unexpected life coach. Someone or something that is teaching you perseverance, love, patience. I bet you’ll find something or someone who is teaching you how to live your best life, right at this very moment.

Wishing you a fabulous day,

With warmth,
Sandy