Attitude Adjustment

Saturday, July 18th, 2009

I seem to recall that in the 80′s the phrase ‘attitude adjustment’ was used again and again. I’m not sure why it went away.

In the real estate world, I’ve learned that agents, buyers and sellers say that everything is location, location, location. I’m convinced that in the real world everything is attitude, attitude, attitude.

This is proven to me again and again. One of my favorite clients just announced that she has just completed her best fiscal year ever. She isn’t devoting more time to her business, she’s still the most devoted wife and mom and her church isn’t seeing any less of her either. What’s changed? Her attitude! She expects to bring in more abundance and prosperity, in all facets of her life. And she is doing just that. We continue her coaching sessions and she has added Reiki to her sessions as well as she has also discovered that self-care makes her more relaxed and more productive as well.

On a day to day basis life happens. We always have two options regarding any situation, no matter how dire or fabulous the situation may appear at first glance. We can celebrate the good, or positive aspects of the circumstances or we can bemoan the negative. This applies in all circumstances.

Yesterday, just about every bit of electronics that I own broke down or mal-functioned in some way or another. I couldn’t seem to find the directions to forward calls on my cell phone, then a few hours later it crashed altogether. No cell. My son had completely crashed and reconstructed my laptop less than a week ago, all cleared of viruses. Yesterday it was struck by another virus. It kept going down. For the life of me it seemed that I wasn’t able to figure out how to work the DVD player or the VCR. Two options. Get frustrated and upset, which wouldn’t have solved any of the above. Or enjoy a cup of tea and read one of the books I have around from one of my favorite authors. Guess which I decided to do.

Today, I am assured that the cell phone is covered under insurance and my virus protection found the virus for my computer, isolated and removed. Getting upset yesterday would have made me feel lousy and it wouldn’t have changed the situation. In other words a rotten attitude would simply have resulted in a rotten evening. Instead I enjoyed my book very much, and the tea eventually became a relaxing glass of wine. A quiet evening spent doing one of my favorite things with the dogs. Just what I needed. I woke up refreshed and relaxed today. In fact, I felt so good that I decided today would be more of the same. The only electronic time today is spent writing this blog. I am feeling blessed and grateful today.

We are always with the options of attitude regarding our circumstances. It’s that simple. My step-father, the man I’ve always called Dad, broke his neck and became a quadriplegic at the age of 29. He and my mother decided that wasn’t the end of life. He recovered enough to come home and raise children. She went to nursing school, something she had wanted to do all her life. They used the opportunity to benefit all of us, in fact my dad still refers to each day as a bonus. My parents are amazing life coaches.

This doesn’t mean that there are not frustrations, aggravations or grief in our lives. However, we have the choice to move through these emotions and reach for a slightly better feeling every time we experience them. Attitude counts.

I would encourage you to stop several times a day, notice how you are feeling, what sort of thoughts are going through your mind and what words are coming out of your mouth. If they are harsh, unkind or simply negative I would encourage you to take a few moments. Think and feel your way to a slightly better feeling, a slightly kinder approach. Adjust your attitude and I’m willing to bet your entire life will become just a little bit better.

I wish you a fabulous day and it will be if you choose to see it in just that way.

Warmly,
Sandy

July Reiki Healing Circle in Milwaukee

Friday, July 10th, 2009

Good morning,

I’m so excited that we will be holding our third Reiki Healing Circle tomorrow, Saturday, July 11.

Each month I have been blessed by meeting new Reiki practitioners. Each month we have had the honor of sending Reiki to more families. What an incredible feeling. If you haven’t read about this before, I’d like to explain a little bit.

I am honored to be the co-founder of Milwaukee Reiki Healing Circles for special needs children, their families and caregivers. This monthly event is entirely free of charge. While we are happy to welcome all who are able to attend in person, it’s important to remember that Reiki is not limited to space or distance, so we are just as happy to offer Reiki to those who are far away. Likewise, Reiki practitioners of all levels are invited to participate. If possible in person, if it is not possible to participate in person, we invite you to send Reiki.

Our healing circle is held at 2534 S. Kinnickinnic Avenue in Milwaukee, Wisconsin from 10am to 12 noon on the second Saturday of each month. We ask that special needs families who would like to participate in person please register for this free event by calling my co-founder Sally O’Brien at 414-257-1931. Alternately, simply email me at Serenity@SandyWalden.com to have your family added to those who are receiving at a distance. Each special needs family will receive Reiki for 15 minutes. Again; please remember that Reiki is healing energy, there are no space or distance limitations. We are happy to send to anyone who would like to receive. This is an on-going event. Please share this information with anyone you think may be interested in participating, either as a Reiki practitioner or as someone who would like to receive Reiki.

Future Reiki Healing Circles will continue to be held the 2nd Saturday every month, beginning at 10 a.m. Dates for the remainder of 2009 are below.

August 8
September 12
October 10
November 14
December 12

When we offer Reiki to others healing and blessings are not only received by those who are present, but also by all involved. When you have shared this information with others, you are part of this circle and we will send you blessings as well. So, the simple fact that everything we think, say and do not only goes out to others but comes back to us is confirmed once again. Thank you for sending your love to this project and for sharing this information with others. I know this is going to be a fabulous event and that all will benefit.

Namaste,
Sandy

Frustration

Saturday, June 6th, 2009

The theory is that as a holistic life coach and Reiki master, I won’t experience frustration. Yeah, right.

There is a situation with someone in my family that could easily drive me nuts. The particulars are not really all that important. Regarding most issues, I only add my thoughts if they are solicited. This is really a hard and fast rule regarding my children, especially since they are all grown and have every right to make their own decisions. When I keep my opinion to myself until it’s actually asked for, they give it more weight, take it more seriously and actually ask for it quite often.

So, why am I having such a hard time keeping my yap shut this time? This person is simply dragging his feet, refusing to act on a matter that could affect his finances for the rest of his life, and not in a good way. It’s not that he doesn’t have options, he does and they are readily available. He’s simply not taking any action.

If I were my own life coaching client how would I handle this as my coach? Well, I’d probably start by asking a few direct questions.

Q – What is it that you think you can resolve by constantly bringing up this
situation.
A – I would like to motivate him to take positive steps toward resolving this
situation.
Q – Do you have the ability to change the outcome of this situation?
A – No
Q – Is it your responsibility to handle this situation?
A – No
Q – Have you expressed your concern in a calm, rational manner to the person
involved?
A – Yes
Q – What is likely to be the affect on your relationship if you keep bringing this
up this subject?
A – He will stop asking for my advice regarding other situations.
Q – In general, is he responsible? Does he handle his finances and other ‘grown up’
responsibilities well?
A – Yes, he’s generally very responsible.

That last one just wrapped up the question and answer session done for me. The fact is that he is a generally responsible young man, and even if he weren’t, my forcing my opinion on him will not assist him to learn more responsibility.

The truth is that I am the one bringing on my own frustration. I have explored options with him, shown him the benefits and the drawbacks, now it’s up to him to make the decision that is right for him.

I truly have no way of knowing what is in his mind and heart. And it’s none of my business even if I did. It’s time to trust, back off and relax. Sometimes we need to allow others to make mistakes on their own. If he makes a mistake regarding this situation it will be something that he has to deal with, but it may well prevent him from making a much larger mistake in the future.

So, having worked through this, I feel the frustration melting away. I will trust him to make the right decision for his highest good. I have asked him if he minds my sending Reiki to him to help him to make the decision that will serve him the best and then let it go. He’s agreed and I feel as though I am doing what I can to assist him without interfering.

Truly, that’s the only option I have anyway.

My wish for you is that you are able to take positive action steps to change situations that are yours to change. And that you are able to relinquish those that were never yours to begin with.

Warmly,
Sandy

Relax and Rejuvenate

Tuesday, June 2nd, 2009

Do you take the time to relax? Do you allow yourself the time to truly rejuvenate? Do you know how to really recharge your batteries? What works for you?

We live in a society that appreciates and values the 80 hour work week. We applaud those who are workaholics, talking about the amazing work ethic and dedication. But if you are working that 40+ hour work week, are you truly being your most effective?

When I work with clients as their holistic life coach or as their Reiki master my main goal is to help them find the best balance for their lives. It seems to be well and easily understood that ‘other people’ are more effective when they’ve had rest, some time to rejuvenate. Often these same people need to really think about it to realize that the same rules do govern their own lives. We think better, listen better and make calmer more rational decisions when we are not stressed.

What works for you? Do you know? I have several outlets. Walking with my dog Indy puts me in a good mood. I find working in the perennial gardens absolutely refreshes me, it allows me to feel creative, to see beauty and to appreciate the process of growth and change. Going to our home at the lake is amazing for me. Simply the act of approaching the house and unlocking the door begins the process of melting any stress that I feel.

Of course there are other ways for me to de-stress and rejuvenate. Meditation even for a few minutes helps me to remember that there is time enough for everything that is truly important. Giving or receiving Reiki is very powerful for me. I find that my body feels more at easy, my mind lets go of nagging worries and my spirit feels lighter.

It’s not all about getting for me. Giving Reiki, especially to animals offers me a wonderful lift. I feel a strong connection to my dog Indy and love to offer him Reiki. Likewise, time spent offering Reiki to my gardens helps me tremendously and I know that offering the Reiki to pets or the earth offers them amazing benefits.

My point is that when we take time to rejuvenate ourselves, either by relaxing or by simply allowing our mind, body and spirit to play a bit we find ourselves feeling more balanced. Work is more productive, time with family is more manageable and enjoyable. Balance, balance, balance.

While it’s true that I remind my life coaching clients as well as my Reiki clients of this simple fact regularly, I sometimes have to remind myself as well. It turns out that I’m pretty human, I get busy and need to be reminded that it’s not only okay to take care of myself, it’s to the benefit of myself, my family and my clients.

For today, I encourage you to find even ten minutes to do something that just makes you smile. I promise that it’s worth it.

Wishing you a fabulous few minutes just for you. As for me, it’s time to go and walk in my gardens and offer them some Reiki. They’ll benefit and so will I. Who could ask for more?

Warmly,
Sandy

Saying Good-bye

Saturday, April 11th, 2009

I spent time with a friend of mine today, I’ll call her Cindy. Cindy’s mother is dying, Cindy knows it, her mother knows it and the doctors confirm it.

As I chatted with Cindy it was clear to me that she is at peace with the situation. Now don’t get me wrong, Cindy loves her mother and expressed her feeling that sixty-seven is simply too young to expect her mother to die. On the other hand, she told me that she feels her mother is done with life. Recently she has expressed as much, she misses her son who died very young, most of her dear friends have passed and with the exception of her beloved husband, most of her relatives near her age have passed away as well. She misses them dreadfully and feels as though she is simply done with what she was supposed to do here in this life. She’s not depressed; she’s just ready to move on. The disease that is ravaging her body is simply the vehicle that is taking her on this final journey.

Cindy is determined that her mother enjoy the time she has left. Cindy has learned so much from her mother. She was a loving, fun mom to grow up with and has become a trusted friend to the adult Cindy. She showed Cindy that it was possible to not only love her husband but that it was possible to like him and to enjoy being his friend. And now she is teaching Cindy that it is possible to die with grace, dignity and joy.

Unfortunately, Cindy is getting a bit of flak from some people. Apparently there are those who have hinted that Cindy is doing something wrong because she is not crying, wailing constantly and pushing her mother to accept painful treatments that will extend her life, but not improve or even preserve the quality of what is left of her life. So, Cindy asked me for my point of view.

Oh boy. It was time to not only think and feel as Cindy’s friend, but to think this through as the holistic life coach and Reiki master that Cindy knows I am. So, we continued to talk. I asked her how she was dealing with all of this. She told me that she is definitely heartbroken to be saying good-bye to her mother, but that she is saving the tears and grieving for her time with her husband and a few trusted friends. She’s not stuffing her feelings or denying them, simply expressing them to those who know and love her best. Because her mother is determined to enjoy the time left, Cindy is determined to enjoy it with her. She’s told her and will continue to tell her how much she loves her, has enjoyed being her daughter and they talk about the fun they’ve had together. They laugh, tell stories and simply spend time together being happy. Cindy has made it clear to visitors that her mother has requested the time remaining be happy and so she has asked visitors to honor those wishes, in fact she’s insisting on just that. She’s taking special care of her father, again honoring her mother’s wishes and doing what she simply feels is right.

The truth is that both Cindy and her mother are at peace. Her mother is getting ready to meet her God and Cindy is very appreciative of the opportunity to spend this time with her before she passes, she’s now learning how to say good-bye to loved ones and to die with grace, dignity and joy.

Before I left, I gave Cindy a long hug, told her that I would pray for her, her mother and all of her family and friends and I thanked her. While Cindy is learning one more lesson from her mother, she is teaching many of the rest of us as well.

I hope that if I’m ever faced with a similar situation that I am able to move through it with the same peaceful heart, love and gratitude that is demonstrated by Cindy and her mother.

This week, I wish you all the opportunity to express your love and gratitude for the special friends and relatives in your life. I am grateful for Cindy and I thank her for the lesson of love and gratitude.

Warmly,
Sandy

Take a Nap

Saturday, March 28th, 2009

I remember when my boys were small; they would run, play and be on the move seemingly non-stop. If they didn’t slow down every once in a while for a short rest they would inevitably ‘hit the wall’. They would have an emotional melt-down, usually followed by a nap. When they awoke I would see smiles and hear giggles again.

Simple isn’t it? The same happens to adults as well. Many will work far too many hours with far too little rest, becoming frustrated and disappointed as the results they are achieving are not what they wanted. We need to take time to rest! It’s part of that self care that I talk about all of the time.

Each of my clients knows when we meet; I’m going to ask what they have done to nurture and care for themselves. Holistic life coach here, remember. If I’m not resting enough, nourishing myself well and exercising a little bit, there are real consequences. I simply am not going to do my job as well as I would like if I’m hungry and tired. I might not have the energy to go hiking with my husband if I haven’t taken the time to exercise a bit regularly.

How do you take care of yourself? For me, it’s imperative that I have time for a bath every day. I need to be in the water, quiet and alone. It nurtures me on every level. I might spend 5 minutes or an hour, different days I find that I have different needs. I know when it’s time for my bath, not according to the clock, but by the restless and edgy feeling that I begin to experience. Taking that time gives me what I need.

Even my dog Indy knows what he needs, and because he has never been taught not to ask for what he needs he will ask me to take him for a walk, he needs exercise. Alright, I’m in Milwaukee, Wisconsin, sometimes he has to settle for the treadmill, but the point is that he is a more contented, well behaved dog when his needs are met.

This is not complicated at all. I realize that it’s often difficult to eat, sleep and exercise as we know we should. But I encourage you to put yourself on the list of top priorities. If you need a vacation but simply cannot take the time, how about a 15 of meditation in a quiet room. Allow yourself to feel the rest and appreciate how much better you feel afterwards. Maybe you feel like you should be at the gym everyday but it’s not going to happen. You might consider taking a short walk with your family, a friend or enjoy the peace and quiet of a short walk by yourself in the park.

Little changes to take care of yourself may yield big results. A dear friend who is deeply faithful was feeling stretched because she simply felt she was not devoting any time to her faith. This was on her mind frequently, affecting her work and other day to day activities because she felt this lack which was so important for her. Simply allowing herself a scheduled time to practice and study a little bit has helped her tremendously.

I’m not going to tell you that I eat right all the time, sleep every night and exercise faithfully. Instead I have learned to listen to myself and to acknowledge what my body; mind and emotions are telling me that I need. Remembering my own life coach and what she taught me, I pay attention to that need and nurture myself. When I’m feeling better, I’m more productive and everyone around me is happier as well.

This week I encourage you to take a nap. Enjoy the feeling of refreshment from 20 minutes with your eyes closed, not thinking about or doing anything. Notice how happy you feel when you awake. And then do it again the next day, and the next…

With warmth and a yawn,
Sandy

Justice

Saturday, February 7th, 2009

One of my favorite authors is Don Miguel Ruiz. His book ‘The Four Agreements’ is a quick and easy read, only about 140 pages, but I think it’s deceptively simple. In fact I think it’s quite profound. I read this book often, however, I find that when I listen to it on audio-book I notice and appreciate it in a whole new way.

Yesterday I was driving up to the lake and listening to this book once again. What struck me was what he had to say about justice. Let me put this into my own words and of course give you my point of view. Basically, he says that if there was justice regarding people, once we have made a mistake we would own it and move on. There would be no lingering guilt and no on-going recriminations. Wow, what a concept!

The truth is that my dog gets it. When I’m in a bad mood and he makes me a bit crazy I sometimes slip and shout at him. As soon as I realize what I’ve done and I apologize, offer him a snuggle and a rub behind the ears, Indy forgives me completely. He doesn’t bring it up every time I’m crabby, he doesn’t remind me that I was snotty next time he wants a treat and I don’t offer it up quick enough. In short, I hurt his feelings, I apologized, and Indy forgave. Nice.

The problem is that as humans we seem to operate with a different set of rules. When someone hurts us we bring it up again and again. Sometimes verbally, sometimes intentionally, often just by thinking about it and being cautious with the offender long after the offense. As a holistic life coach, I think it’s really important to remember that any time I choose to hold this offense against someone, it affects me as well. For justice to be served at its best, after an offense is committed and apology accepted, the offense would be forgotten. Not just forgiven but actually forgotten.

If my husband has come home late, caused me to worry I might well be angry. However, after he has apologized and I say he is forgiven neither of us is served well by my reminding him the next day to come home on time to avoid my wrath. All that happens then is that he is on edge and I’m all ready to get upset again. Of course this is the most simplistic example, but the point is the same regarding justice at any level. We do not forgive simply for the sake of the offender, but for the sake of the offended as well. If I’m living with the thought of something that was done to me, rehashing again and again, I’m letting that offense color my entire life. By the same token, even if punishment was meted out, every time I bring up the offense I am punishing the offender again and again. Never letting it go, never allowing either of us to move on in a healthy and productive way.

Of course I recommend that you read the book. This subject and many others is addressed in detail and put much better than I ever could. Just the same, I wanted to share my thoughts. Let’s make an effort to not only forgive, but to truly forgive. We’ll all be much healthier and happier for the effort.

Wishing you a fabulous day, filled with forgiveness and justice.

Warmly,
Sandy

Wisconsin Ovarian Cancer Alliance

Saturday, December 13th, 2008

Recently I had the opportunity to meet truly remarkable women. Back in 1999 their sister and Aunt Ms. Joan Sagan was diagnosed with ovarian cancer. Dedicated to fighting this disease in 2001 the Wisconsin Ovarian Cancer Alliance or WOCA was developed. www.woca.net.

Since that time, Ms. Sagan unfortunately lost her battle with cancer. Her sisters Sandi and Kelli, along with Sandi’s daughter Erin have been working tirelessly to spread hope, encouragement and information to families who have been affected by this disease.

Meeting these women and hearing their message touched me in a way that was much deeper than what I expected. Of course they are passionate about their subject. I expected that much. What really moved me was the way that they quite literally radiate light and hope. They are currently in the process of having their website completely redone by NewAlliance Marketing, www.NewAllianceMarketing.com. Their message is unrelentingly positive. Early detection and education can and does make such an amazing difference in the outcome of this disease. That is of course their emphasis. But it’s the way they deliver their message that strikes me. These women are cheerful, uplifting, positive…in short they are hopeful.

Traveling frequently, they share this message whenever and wherever possible. They offer insight regarding how to communicate with someone who has been diagnosed with cancer. They offer some idea of what a person who has been diagnosed with cancer may expect to experience regarding emotions, treatments and so much more.

Sandi, Kelli and Erin have faced this most feared disease and continue to face it everyday. They are not angry, bitter women although many would say they have every right to be. They are comforting, uplifting and darned funny!

I encourage you to watch their new website develop in the next few months; you will see so much more of their dedication come to life on your computer screen. Please consider making a donation to WOCA. No doubt about it, it’s time and money well spent.
To contribute, please make your check or money order payable to the Wisconsin Ovarian Cancer Alliance and mail to:

Wisconsin Ovarian Cancer Alliance
P.O. Box 482
Oak Creek, Wisconsin 53154
Fax: 414-764-4492
E-mail: friends@woca.net

Sandi, Kelli and Erin are fabulous. My hope for all of you is that you allow yourself to be touched by them and their cause.

Warmly,
Sandy

Be a Kid Again

Saturday, November 1st, 2008

It turns out that our kids are always teaching us lessons. All three are grown and in fact the eldest is married. Each of them has been on their own since he was eighteen years old, they have responsible jobs, and if you would meet any of them one on one you would have an impression of average young men. But when they are all together, they resume the roles they had when they were all less than 10 years old. It’s a hoot!

My husband and I joined them at our place at the lake yesterday, the place where everyone can just completely relax and have fun. As soon as they heard us arrive, I heard one of them call out ‘Indy’s here!’ Yes, they really were more excited to see the dog than their Dad and me, that’s okay; he was incredibly, silly happy to see all of his kids too.

As soon as we got in the house the stories began. Each one upping the ante just a bit when it came his turn to get a word in edgewise. For some reason the lampshades were all slightly askew and I actually asked how in the world lampshades on standing lamps got knocked awry. Silly me. It didn’t take long for the story-telling and needling each other to move on to a bit of ‘nudging’ one another as they walked around. Oh yeah, that’s how the lampshades get in that condition! How in the world had I forgotten? They teased one another and had the dog running from one to the other for what seemed like forever. In short, they all acted like they were little boys again.

Two of them took Indy for a walk so that Indy could see the beautiful Wisconsin autumn. When they returned, another enticed Indy into a game of chase. They ran up and down the hill, hiding and then pouncing when the other came into view. The third boy was hanging out with his Dad, puttering with the boat as they got ready to put it away for the winter. Too much chattering and laughing was heard for it to have been efficient, but they got the job done.

Later they ‘discovered’ the games that have been on the shelf in the family room for the four years that we have been here. I heard one yell ‘We have Battleship and Scrabble!’ the others came running. From there on I heard good-natured accusations of cheating, shouts of surprise and not just laughing, but giggling as they tried to out-smart each other. No one was exempt, the daughter-in-law was in the middle of it all and even my husband was trying to make up words for Scrabble.

I want to thank all four of our kids (yes, we consider our beautiful daughter-in-law to be one of our kids now) for reminding us to relax, let go and have fun. They are all responsible adults in their day jobs, but when they are together they remember to enjoy each other and laugh. Simply laugh. Once again, I’ve been reminded that most of us have amazing life coaches in our lives; we just need to look around and pay a bit of attention.

So just for today, I suggest that you take a trip down memory lane. Try to remember that fabulous feeling of laughing and giggling. Remember the mud smooshing through your toes on a warm spring day, the feeling of flying a kite, playing in a leaf pile or making a snowman. Whatever it is that makes you feel like a happy kid again. Please take a few minutes, close your eyes and try to recall. Let yourself feel the happiness, the smooshy mud, the cool breeze, the warmth of sun on your face as you lay in the grass and watched clouds float by. And don’t forget to allow yourself to chuckle, grin, laugh and giggle.

I wish you a fabulous day recalling happy memories and making new memories to recall in the future.

With warmth,
Sandy