Life Changes

Saturday, November 21st, 2009

We’re dating. By ‘we’ I mean my husband of 27 years and of course me. John decided a few months ago that he wanted to make some major changes. I had no idea what was in store for us.

John has always been incredibly conservative. Watching every penny, worrying about every event, predicting all possible outcomes and then sort of holding his breath to see if his predictions would come true. These qualities may sound dull as you read them, but the truth is that they’ve made him a terrific husband and devoted father. We’ve always known that John had all eventualities covered. The boys and I have always felt entirely secure regarding finances and knew that John was totally and completely devoted to us all.

Apparently John has now decided to do a 180! The man is changing right before my eyes, and it’s not only surprising it’s a ton of fun.

He came home one day and told me that we were signed up for ballroom dancing lessons. Okay…sounds like fun to me. Then he told me the date of the first class. It was actually last Friday when I was co-hosting a retreat. No worries, he went by himself. Anyone who knows my husband knows that this was totally and completely out of character. He’s always been quiet and reserved. Apparently, he’s getting over it. He went to the class on his own, danced by himself and asked the very pretty young woman who is one of the instructors to dance with him. John spent all of the days between that first class and last week doing the rumba around the house. I suspect he held off somewhat at the firehouse as I didn’t get any calls. But it’s been terrific watching him have so much fun.

He’s signed us up for cheese tasting classes, checking the movie listings and even planned a cruise for January. Why do I tell you all of this? Because I have to tell someone! Alright, that’s part of it, I am incredibly proud of the way he is embracing change. But most of all, it’s to point out that we can make any changes that we truly want, at any time in our lives.

First of all, we have to want to change. We don’t have to know exactly what we want our lives to look like, but an idea certainly helps. For instance, John didn’t know that he was going to become someone who wanted to go places as frequently as he now does. He’s always been a homebody. But, he did decide that it was time to embrace a more light-hearted approach to life. He made the decision that he would find ways to get out from time to time with his amazing wife (that’s me) and that he would enjoy what life offers, knowing and trusting that his hard work and diligence has laid a good foundation. He’s not become frivolous by any means, but he is having more fun than ever.

How can this happen?¬¨‚Ć First and foremost John knew he wanted his life to start looking a bit different. He was tired of worrying. Tired of pinching pennies. So, he worked with a holistic life coach and Reiki master (yoo hoo, me again) to develop some practical and easy methods. He started re-framing his comments and statements to be more positive. Instead of focusing on events in his life or in the news that were upsetting or negative, he acknowledged them, discussed them with his life coach or others, but then he worked on letting them go if there was no way for him to change them. That’s huge! His personality is such that it was important for him to talk about things that bother him, that’s fine. But now, he tries not to end on a negative note. Instead he tries to see a lesson or a potential positive outcome.

Another of the things John has done is to stop berating himself for mistakes made in the past. After all, what’s done is done. We can look at the past, we can learn from it, but we have absolutely no ability to change it. I’m proud of him for beginning to accept that the past is done and to forgive mistakes made by himself and others. Again, a big step.

Probably the biggest change in John is that he is focusing on the¬¨‚Ć amazing life he has led and intends to go on living. He frequently brings up the fun we had raising our three sons. He speaks with pride about their accomplishments, no matter how small. Reminiscing about camping trips and time spent being active in Boy Scouts. He’s excited when he talks about them visiting us or a vacation to see any of them. In short, this man has become hopeful and silly excited about his future. Hooray!

I often speak to my clients, whether Reiki clients or coaching clients about re-framing their speech to see a positive viewpoint. It truly changes the way we feel and think. Affirmations are a powerful tool that we can use as well. Writing and talking to ourselves about the positive changes we are bringing about in our own lives. These things are sometimes overlooked or forgotten because they are so very simple. But they work. It’s pretty much that simple.

So, I’d like to applaud John for the life changes he’s made. I know it hasn’t been all that easy for him. He’s a 52 year old man who had a pretty firm pattern set in his life. But he’s making changes and from all the signs he’s enjoying them incredibly, just as he deserves.

Just one small positive change this week could improve your entire life. Go ahead, give it a try. I can’t wait to hear all about the positive life changes you are making.

Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have to go practice my fox-trot and rumba steps so that John doesn’t go off dancing into the sunset without me.

Warmly,

Sandy

A Good Deed

Saturday, November 7th, 2009

I’ve posted about this before, but every time I think about it I become very excited, so I thought I’d share with you.

Our mother’s taught us that we should be nice to others because it’s the right thing to do; I tried to teach my kids the very same thing. I remember from time to time one of my boys would ask why they should help out their brother, what was in it for them? Well, I was the grown-up in the house, so in the most gentle, loving manner I could muster I would calmly explain that what was in it for them was the opportunity to sleep inside the house that night and with any luck the next night as well! I tried hard to be a generous and helpful mom.

I wish I had known then what I know now. It turns out that every time we do something kind for someone else, from helping them find their shoes to untying them from the railroad track just before the speeding train arrives, raises our serotonin levels. In short it makes us feel good. Here’s where it gets even better. You would probably expect the formerly tied up on the track person to feel pretty good about the new situation. But guess what, you will too! That’s right not only are you doing just what your mama told you to do (rest assured, Mom’s feeling pretty good at the moment now as well) but your serotonin levels go up just as a result of your doing the right thing. Hot dog, you’ve got to love that. But wait, it gets even better!

This is not just a win/win for both the good deed doer and the good deed recipient, but it turns out that anyone witnessing the event also experiences a rise in serotonin. How cool is that? That explains why I felt so good when I would watch one of my boys help the other to build a snow fort. They thought they were simply doing it to protect their corner of the yard from the opponents on the other side of the yard, and in truth that’s what they were doing. But they undoubtedly felt good as a result of the kindness, their brothers felt good and I now realize that this act in full view of the neighbors probably made them smile and feel just a bit better as well.

Now the life coach in me realizes that even if I didn’t intellectually understand this all those years ago that I probably intuitive understood it and that others probably do as well. But how cool is it that we now actually know intellectually what we felt all along?

I’ve had conversations with other Reiki people about this from another angle. For instance, while I give myself Reiki frequently I most feel the wonderful effects of Reiki when I am offering it to another. That is definite motivation to be sharing Reiki with anyone and everyone who is open to the experience. It just feels good and makes me happy.

What to do with this information? Perhaps just knowing it is enough to make you smile and feel good. You might share the info with others and hopefully motivate them to do an extra  kindness.

In truth I don’t care just what the motivation was that made my little boys help one another out from time to time. They did and clearly they got something from the experience as they are all now adults who don’t hesitate to assist others cheerfully. I feel better just having that knowledge.

I wish you a fabulous week, offering, receiving and observing kindness and good deeds.

Warmly,

Sandy

Job Loss Means New Beginning

Monday, March 16th, 2009

We hear about it on the news everyday, people are losing their jobs. At the moment it’s a reality in America and folks in Milwaukee, Wisconsin are not exempt.

Mike went to work on Thursday, to a job that he liked. By the time he left at 3pm he had joined the ranks of the unemployed. I had the opportunity to talk with him in depth a few days later. The holistic life coach in me could not help but be impressed with his point of view. Mike told me that this will be a good thing in the long run. He liked his job and made pretty good money. However, he knew that as long as that job was there, he would probably not seriously look at other options. Mike is young, not quite 22 years old and very aware that the world has quite a lot to offer him. He is taking this opportunity to reflect a bit, think about where he wants to live, what makes him happy and where he can imagine himself in the future.

Mike’s considering going back to school, but that really does not hold a lot of appeal for him. He is however considering a wide range of opportunities including the possibility of going into business for himself. We chatted about the jobs that he is applying for and the range is amazing.

Naturally, since I’m a life coach, it was important for me to hear a bit about his plan. Mike is putting together an honest and thorough resume. He’s decided to grow his hair a bit and to shave off the thing that’s been hanging from his chin for so long. He’s asking his eldest brother about the most appropriate way to dress to put in applications and to go to job interviews. He’s also re-learning about the appropriate follow up to job interviews, thank you cards, phone calls, etc.

In short, Mike is optimistic that life is changing in a positive, exciting way for him. He told me that this experience is teaching him some very important lessons and that he looks forward to the next few months. He knows he has options that many do not. His parents have offered to let him move back home and they would welcome him, but that’s something he would prefer to avoid. Still, the reassurance of knowing he has that option removes much of his stress.

For my part, I support and applaud Mike. I will continue to offer him Reiki to keep him stress free. As a holistic life coach, I will continue to chat with him about the choices he is making, I will encourage him to move in the direction that feels right to him, in short to follow his gut which of course means to follow and discover his bliss. Mike is taking positive action steps to bring about the future that he desires and I have no doubt that all will unfold in an amazing way for him.

I wish Mike and all of the unemployed in Milwaukee and all of America a week of personal and professional growth, calm and optimism as their future unfolds before them.

Warmly,
Sandy

Together

Tuesday, December 23rd, 2008

It’s been a long time since my entire family was together for Christmas. Our eldest son left for the Air Force right after high school and spent most of the next six Christmas holidays in far away places. One of our other sons enjoys traveling and he spent last Christmas far away in a much warmer location. This year they are all home, along with our beautiful new daughter-in-law. We are very grateful.

As a life coach I spend a lot of my time trying to help others see that there are always two ways of looking at every situation. We have been very grateful for the past several years that everyone was healthy and happy, focusing on the amazing blessings in our lives and enjoying the emails and phone calls that we shared, even when we were not together.

I realize that it is very likely that next year we will be spending the holiday season in different locations. One of our boys is probably going to be moving south (he is so not a fan of the cold Wisconsin weather) another is probably going to relocate to another state for his job. That means that the third will probably get a bit more attention than he would like, but he’s a good sport and I think he can handle it.

What all of this means is that like everyone, we discover again and again that life is about change. We are determined to relax and enjoy having each other this year. Visiting with grandparents, aunts and uncles we appreciate all of the blessings that we often take for granted. We don’t know what the next year will bring, except that we can be pretty certain it will be somewhat different than this season. Some of us may be together, some may be far away. I feel sure that we will still find ways to stay close, and being located in other parts of the country gives us all good reason to take vacation. For our family even when we are separated by many miles, we still know that we are connected by love and genuine affection.

I encourage you to contact and connect with family and friends. If they are nearby terrific! If they are far away you can still be together. Phone calls, emails, cards and letters still connect us in powerful ways. We don’t have to be related to those we love, friends often become our family. This is a wonderful season to reach out to all those we care about and to let them know how we feel about them. Every time we do share that affection we feel a little bit better about our own lives and what friend or family member doesn’t want to know they are loved. The life coach in me loves that! It’s a win-win all around.

So, for this holiday season I wish you the fabulous feeling of knowing that you care about someone and that they care about you in return.

Happy Hanukkah, Merry Christmas, Happy Kwanzaa, happy holidays to all of you my friends,
Sandy

Snow!

Saturday, December 20th, 2008

It’s winter in Milwaukee, Wisconsin. Not officially of course. According to the calendar, winter won’t begin for a few more days. But it turns out that Jack Frost has decided to do things his way. Last night we received approximately another foot or so of snow and there is more to come over the next few days.

Not everyone is a fan of the snow, especially not this much snow this early in the year. But I am! I love the snow. My only complaint is that this was not snowman snow. I know that for sure, I tried and tried to build a snowman, but it just didn’t pack right. Something about a fresh snowfall brings out the 4 year old that lives deep inside of me. I can’t wait to go out in the snow and play. I like to kick it around, make snow angels, build snowmen, taste it (only the snow that is white) and watch it for hours and hours. I don’t even mind shoveling the snow.

Why? To me I think that snow represents so many good things. First of all it represents change of course. I really enjoy the change of seasons in Milwaukee, it’s beautiful. To my mind change is very exciting! It means that anything can happen and I always assume that means something wonderful. But most of all, I think that snow brings wonderful memories back to me.

When I was growing up, a good snowstorm meant that my dad would load us all up in the car along with the toboggan. We’d head to Whitnall Park; they had the very best sledding hill in the area. My dad would pile all of us kids on the toboggan and then he’d jump on just as we were headed down the hill. We would fly! Sometimes when it was time to climb up that very tall, slippery hill we would jump back on and get pulled right back up. Ice skating, sledding, snowmobiling, building snow forts and having snowball fights. When I think about it, snow meant fun, fun, fun! When we were all tired out, my mom would make us hot chocolate and wrap us in warm blankets.

As a life coach sometimes I think that there should be a deeper message in everything. If that’s so, then the message this week is very simple. Enjoy. Enjoy the changes that are inevitable. Enjoy the memories and enjoy building new memories. That’s it. It’s just that simple.

Wishing you a fabulous day, just like I remember when I was a kid.

Warmly,
Sandy

The Amazing Toddler

Saturday, November 15th, 2008

Observe the amazing toddler. They know who they like and trust. Even better, they never hesitate to show it! If a small child likes you they smile, giggle and follow you around. You get lots of wet, slimy, wonderful kisses. Lots of sticky jelly hugs. And every time you take a step that wonderful child is under your feet. Why? Because they like you! And when a toddler or small child likes you, they don’t hesitate at all to show it, in every possible way. It’s great!

Small children are the life coaches teaching us what we once knew, and I hope that we are willing to re-learn. I’m convinced that the world would be a much better, certainly a much happier place if we would take a page from the book of toddlers. Too often we are uncomfortable telling someone that we like them. Much too often we don’t tell others that we love them.

I occurs to me that there are many people I really like that may not know how I feel about them. It’s time to fix that, time to take positive action. I have no business suggesting to others that they get going on this unless I’m willing to take some action myself. So, I am going to be sure that I stop holding back. I will hug more, smile more and tell others how much I like and appreciate them, for who they are and for what I feel when I am with them. When it comes to those that I love, I realize that I take them for granted far too often. While I tell them often that I love them, it’s time to tell them why I love them and how grateful I am to have them in my life.

I encourage you to live a day offering your sincere appreciation for friends and love ones. Give it one day, I bet you’ll feel so good that you decide to do it again and again.

Wishing you a day filled with the fabulous feelings of friendship and love.

Warmly,
Sandy

Be a Kid Again

Saturday, November 1st, 2008

It turns out that our kids are always teaching us lessons. All three are grown and in fact the eldest is married. Each of them has been on their own since he was eighteen years old, they have responsible jobs, and if you would meet any of them one on one you would have an impression of average young men. But when they are all together, they resume the roles they had when they were all less than 10 years old. It’s a hoot!

My husband and I joined them at our place at the lake yesterday, the place where everyone can just completely relax and have fun. As soon as they heard us arrive, I heard one of them call out ‘Indy’s here!’ Yes, they really were more excited to see the dog than their Dad and me, that’s okay; he was incredibly, silly happy to see all of his kids too.

As soon as we got in the house the stories began. Each one upping the ante just a bit when it came his turn to get a word in edgewise. For some reason the lampshades were all slightly askew and I actually asked how in the world lampshades on standing lamps got knocked awry. Silly me. It didn’t take long for the story-telling and needling each other to move on to a bit of ‘nudging’ one another as they walked around. Oh yeah, that’s how the lampshades get in that condition! How in the world had I forgotten? They teased one another and had the dog running from one to the other for what seemed like forever. In short, they all acted like they were little boys again.

Two of them took Indy for a walk so that Indy could see the beautiful Wisconsin autumn. When they returned, another enticed Indy into a game of chase. They ran up and down the hill, hiding and then pouncing when the other came into view. The third boy was hanging out with his Dad, puttering with the boat as they got ready to put it away for the winter. Too much chattering and laughing was heard for it to have been efficient, but they got the job done.

Later they ‘discovered’ the games that have been on the shelf in the family room for the four years that we have been here. I heard one yell ‘We have Battleship and Scrabble!’ the others came running. From there on I heard good-natured accusations of cheating, shouts of surprise and not just laughing, but giggling as they tried to out-smart each other. No one was exempt, the daughter-in-law was in the middle of it all and even my husband was trying to make up words for Scrabble.

I want to thank all four of our kids (yes, we consider our beautiful daughter-in-law to be one of our kids now) for reminding us to relax, let go and have fun. They are all responsible adults in their day jobs, but when they are together they remember to enjoy each other and laugh. Simply laugh. Once again, I’ve been reminded that most of us have amazing life coaches in our lives; we just need to look around and pay a bit of attention.

So just for today, I suggest that you take a trip down memory lane. Try to remember that fabulous feeling of laughing and giggling. Remember the mud smooshing through your toes on a warm spring day, the feeling of flying a kite, playing in a leaf pile or making a snowman. Whatever it is that makes you feel like a happy kid again. Please take a few minutes, close your eyes and try to recall. Let yourself feel the happiness, the smooshy mud, the cool breeze, the warmth of sun on your face as you lay in the grass and watched clouds float by. And don’t forget to allow yourself to chuckle, grin, laugh and giggle.

I wish you a fabulous day recalling happy memories and making new memories to recall in the future.

With warmth,
Sandy

Discover Your Strengths

Thursday, September 18th, 2008

From the time we are very small we begin realizing that we are really good at some things, and not so good at others. Thats normal and perfectly okay!

As we get a bit older we start learning that the skills that come naturally and easily to us are usually the things that we are good at and they are called our strengths. We may struggle with other tasks or skills and generally classify them as our weaknesses. It seems that from that time on we are told that we need to work on these weaknesses; however, it seems that very little emphasis is put on building our strengths in comparison.

Fast forward to adulthood and the lives we lead. Often the emphasis is still on our weaknesses, seldom on our strengths. I would encourage you to not spend quite so much time working on the things that you struggle with, unless of course they are some of the basic skills necessary for a comfortable life.

From the life coaching point of view, it makes sense to me to spend more energy on natural strengths, skills and talents. For instance, perhaps you love writing, but hate working with numbers. Since you love to write a fascinating story it makes sense to build on this, research education and career options, from journalism to child book author, check it all out and see what appeals to you. Then run with it! It’s no coincidence that your greatest strengths and talents are often the activities that bring you the greatest happiness and joy.

Now, I’m not saying that you should ignore all your trouble-spots, or weaknesses. You may not enjoy math and it may be a struggle, but you still need to be proficient enough in basic math to double check your receipts, balance your checkbook, etc. The basics need to be in place to keep your life manageable. But after those basics are covered, I say work on your strengths.

When we embrace our natural talents, work becomes in many ways, like play. We come to love what we do and when we truly enjoy our work we usually get to be very good at it, when we excel at our work we are most likely to make excellent money. Making good money gives us more options in the rest of our life. And it goes on and on and on.

So, I suggest that we all work on our strengths, enjoy them, bask in the feeling of doing what we love and enjoy the sweet rewards that come along.

Wishing you a day spent discovering that your fabulous strengths and talents can also bring you great pleasure, great abundance and prosperity.

Warmly,
Sandy