Meditation Musings – Being In The Now

Saturday, July 24th, 2010

Meditation comes in many forms and with many techniques but one of the commonalities of most of them is that one must usually start by being in the Now.

Among the traditional Ways, most fall into one of two methods; concentrative or mindful. In concentrative meditation one focuses their attention on something specific, the breathing, an image, or a sound (mantra), while in mindful meditation one allows thoughts, images, feelings, sensory input, to pass through the mind without attaching to them or becoming engaged by them. In either technique one must have a starting point and that point is usually the Now.

Most of us don’t spend much time in the Now. Have you ever finished a routine trip in the car without being aware of the actual trip? You were somewhere but you weren’t in the Now. Your mind was thinking about something else while your body was on “auto-pilot”. When you are lying awake for the second night in a row, unable to sleep because your thoughts keep whirling around in your head, you’re not in the Now. When you walk away from the stove without turning off the burner, you’re dangerously not in the Now. For much of human history not being in the Now was often a fatal condition.

Babies exist in the Now and one can often watch as toddlers stop living in the Now over a matter of weeks or months. If you’ve ever played an intense game of volleyball (or some other sport) and felt like you had all the time in the world as everything around you slowed down, you were in the Now. The runner who’s in “the zone” and exhilarates in the feeling of the breath in their nostrils and the blood pumping in their arteries is in the Now.

Meditation allows us to relearn being in the Now and many of us then carry that process out of the zendo and into our daily lives. When one has learned to use that gentle, persistent redirection of the mind into the Now while meditating one often finds applications in other places. When faced with a complicated or tedious task at work, being in the Now allows us to keep focus and make better use of our time and energy. When interacting with other people, being in the Now makes us more tuned-in to them and can make us aware of subtle verbal and nonverbal cues we would otherwise miss. If one is in the Now at bedtime those whirling thoughts aren’t there and one can finally get to sleep. In a strange or unfamiliar situation being in the Now can bring to our attention details and information that can help keep us safe.

Some schools of meditation indicate that the ultimate goal of sitting is to move into a state where one is always in the Now. I would like to meet such a person. I marvel at the thought of such a disciplined mind and I think it would be fascinating to see how they deal with their day-to-day world.

Personally, this is one of the reasons that I say I “practice” meditation, staying in the Now isn’t always easy for me. I have, however, learned to notice the signs of my distraction and gently and persistently pull myself back into the moment. As time goes by I’ll continue to get better at it. It’s another tool in my spiritual and mental toolbox that helps enhance my life and make me a better person.

Namaste,
Jim

Apple Mystery

Saturday, October 24th, 2009

I don’t cook or bake very often anymore, my husband John likes to do it and he’s really very good at it as well. Hooray for me!

Today I decided that I should do a bit of baking. It’s a lovely autumn day, the rain has finally stopped, the dog has been walked and John is outside chopping wood for the fireplace. It seems like the only thing left to do is bake, so I decided to make an apple slab cake. Yummy.

I meandered off to the kitchen, found a recipe and started working on the apples. John came into the kitchen and we chatted a bit, disturbing my rhythm a little, but I didn’t get too far off track. After all, this is one of the things I used to be able to make without a recipe, so I went back to work.

As I got a bit farther along, I realized I didn’t have one or 2 key ingredients. So, I looked at 2 or 3 other recipes. John came in offering suggestions and thoughts before I finally chased him away for good. In the end I wound up making something that I’m going to call apple mystery. I have no idea what this is going to taste like, in fact I’m not even sure what it will look like. But I’m a bit excited to find out.

As I was finishing cleaning up the mess I made while making my apple mystery it occurred to me that this is just what my life is like, and I suspect it’s a bit like yours. So the holistic life coach that lives inside of me decided I needed to share this epiphany with you.

We make plans for where we are going or how we are going to spend our life. But stuff happens, we find out that the plans need to be changed or that we may have to operate without a plan at all. Our lives are an apple mystery.

The fun part of this is that we never know just what today or tomorrow are going to look like. We may have a pretty good idea what we expect but if a few ingredients change, it can all change in a moment.

Is there a lesson here? Sure, but I doubt very much that it’s new to either of us. Go ahead, make plans, set goals and live your life. But when changes occur, when your plans are altered without warning, roll with it as much as possible. Enjoy the apple mystery.

Warmly,
Sandy

My Dog may be the Smartest Person I Know

Saturday, September 26th, 2009

My dog is a five year old boxer named Indiana. Indy has been through a lot and is always teaching me lessons, for which I’m grateful.

Today as I sit here I realize that Indy is teaching me about self-care. Interesting because it seems that during each and every session with any client, be it Reiki or life coaching, we always spend some time chatting about the importance of self-care.

A few days ago the boxer that we had been fostering went to live with his new family. Duke appears amazingly happy and I’m grateful for this. While Duke has lived with us for the past few months, Indy has adjusted and made room for him to be a part of our pack. Way to go Indy.

They would lie on either side of me to get their Reiki nearly every night, each knew just what position the other would occupy when we went on walks and they quickly fell into a mealtime routine that was easy for Duke. Indy made all of these adjustments with a no muss, no fuss attitude and I am grateful.

Now Duke is not here. Indy is adjusting again. I think he’s missing his buddy a little bit and feeling as though he needs a little more of my attention. He’s generally telling me this in gentle ways. Coming to sit on my feet or curling next to me on the couch (generally a big no-no). He’s also finding ways that are not quite so subtle. Stealing food from a counter top which is something he’s never done before. Doing a little bit of digging in a great big plant, again something he has never done before, not even when he was a pup.

Indy is taking care of himself by letting me know in as clear a manner as possible that he needs a bit more attention from me right now. And he’ll get that attention. His ways of asking may seem naughty, but let’s face it, he has limited options for communicating with me, I don’t understand the subtle body language of my canine friend as well as I would like and good behavior is expected and easily dismissed. So, he has resorted to a bit of misbehavior. Perfectly understandable.

No, Indy is not being scolded nor reprimanded in any way. I didn’t catch him breaking the rules, simply discovered the results. What he is getting is more cuddle time. More walking, training and Reiki time. More time focused on Indiana and taking care of his needs. It’s always a delight to do these things and I really appreciate that Indiana has reminded me of the need to spend more time together.

I really like and appreciate that Indy knows what he needs and is doing his best to communicate these needs to me. He’s clearly feeling a bit sad and lonely and he knows that spending time with me doing the activities that he likes best will make him feel better. Indy knows himself and he is taking care of himself to the very best of his ability.

I will continue to encourage all of my Reiki and life coaching clients to take the time to focus on their own needs. Are these needs being met? Are your needs being met? If not, how can that be remedied. Consider taking a little bit of time to listen to your heart and soul , it always tells us what we need to know. I encourage you to then find the courage to meet these needs.

For me, Reiki helps an awful lot. For my husband it’s exercise, for Indiana it’s a combination of Reiki, exercise and companionship. What works for you?

This week, I’d like to thank my buddy for sharing his wants and needs with me. I’m honored to be able to be part of his life and I’m grateful that he’s willing to continue teaching me.

Warmly,
Sandy

Are You Comfortable with Your Role in Life?

Saturday, August 29th, 2009

Once again, an animal in my life is making me think outside of the box. Thanks Duke.

I’ve written about Duke before. He is a most handsome, good-natured boxer. A big dog who is living with us temporarily. Originally Duke was adopted by our son Jeff in LA. Jeff grew up with boxers and really wanted one of these loving dogs to live with him. Long story short, he adopted Duke and quickly bonded. However, Duke was far too stressed to be able to stay in LA. This urban environment that Jeff loved and thrived in was overwhelming and even unhealthy for Duke. So, Jeff made arrangements for Duke to go live with his elder brother Bill and his wife Felicia in Texas. This was in June and circumstances would not allow Bill and Felicia to have Duke live with them until mid-September. Jeff knew that Duke was suffering in LA so he drove the devoted dog to Milwaukee to stay with us in the interim.

Indy, our boxer welcomed Duke immediately and the two began to teach this life coach of very important lessons. Duke was incredibly stressed when he arrived, so while he was trying to adjust to yet another move and a new family I offered him Reiki on a regular basis. It didn’t take long for Duke to bond to me. Unfortunately, it was a nervous bond. Separation anxiety was clearly still a huge issue for this boy.

One evening while speaking on the phone to Jeff we were discussing Duke again, of course. I was concerned because it’s clear that Duke’s anxiety levels rise and fall despite the calm environment that we endeavor to provide. I know that the Reiki is helping him, but I still was concerned about incidents here and there. During our chat, Jeff once again brought up the behaviorist that he had consulted in LA. It turns out that this behaviorist felt that Duke was suffering from confusion about his role in the family. He thought he was the ‘alpha’ dog and was trying desperately to fill that role even though it was very clear that he didn’t want that role at all.

Suddenly so much began to make sense, the alpha dog in a pack has an awesome amount of responsibility. Remember to Duke, Indy, John and I were his pack as we are the family he is living with. If this theory is correct, Duke feels that he needs to provide food for us, it is his responsibility to protect us and to lead wherever we go. His role in life is to be the leader. Holy cats! No wonder the poor boy is stressed!

Now, I’ve lived with boxers for most of my adult life. They are a powerful, energetic, intelligent breed and they absolutely delight in being active members of the family. As I’m not a terribly large woman, I’ve always known that I needed to work with these wonderful animals to gain their cooperation and trust as we all live together. Brute force sure wasn’t going to work and when we had small children it was simply not a physical possibility anyway. Because of this, I’ve always worked with my dogs to understand our relationship to one another, establishing a comfortable hierarchy and working to maintain it. I won’t pretend that I never made mistakes, I’ve made plenty and I’ve tried hard to learn from them. Here was an opportunity to learn a bit more.

It’s our guess that Duke is somewhere between 2 and 3 years old. I can’t undo his history but I can hope to provide a better future for him. So, I got hold of the Jan Fennell book ‘The Dog Listener’ and began reading it again. I appreciate and value her methods. She is always gentle but firm with dogs. She writes of simple methods which communicate in dog language. Letting the animals know what is expected and offering praise when those expectations are met. Hey! Ms. Fennell is a life coach for dogs! I had used this book to teach me several years ago and I remember well that Indy was for quite some time the most well behaved dog I had ever known. With chagrin, I realized that I had let many of these simple patterns change, with the result that Indy felt his role in the family or pack change. He has become more barky and his cooperation with house guests is not as reliable as it had been in the past. Uh oh. And I was responsible.

Well, if a coaching client came to me with this dilemma I wouldn’t spend time berating the lapse, what good would that do? Instead I think it’s important to acknowledge that a change has taken place, recognize the reason for that change if at all possible and find a way to get back on course. So I decided to listen to my own coaching. I immediately began to institute the simple bonding techniques taught in Ms. Fennell’s book. Very easy methods brought immediate change. Within less than a day, I saw both dogs calm. They are being asked quietly to sit and wait to be released before they go in or out of the door. Easy, they both know the rule, I’m simply asking them to cooperate and they are. I eat a small morsel which comes from the counter next to their feed dishes before they are fed, without talking or looking at either of the dogs. They are asked to sit before I put their bowls down. Again, they wait for a very brief time before I release them to eat. When the somewhat inevitable barking starts, I go into the room where the boys are, thank them quietly for the announcement and then simply stand between them and whatever they are barking at. Within a few seconds they quiet and we then walk into another room together.

They are learning that their roles are shifting. They are not responsible for the feeding, protecting or leading of this family. That responsibility belongs to the humans in this family. As a result, Duke is noticeably calmer. I know he’s not ‘fixed’, there is much to do in the future and it will be very important for him to be with a family that is dedicated to maintaining their roles. A family that has time to spend with Duke playing, training and exercising. He will likely always be susceptible to separation anxiety so it is important that he be with people who are dedicated to making his life as stress-free as possible. A regular routine, someone home quite a lot, etc.

How does this translate to people? I bet you thought I would never get to this point, didn’t you? Well, it’s very simple really. It’s my belief that we sometimes ask ourselves to fill a role that simply does not feel right for us. When we do this it’s a bit like trying to fit that square peg into the round hole, you might be able to force it eventually, but it’s not a good fit overall. In the family, we need to know what our responsibilities are; this helps the relationship with the other family members to be more pleasant and rewarding. When children know what parents expect of them and the parents are consistent, pleasant and firm, children are more likely to understand their role, what is expected and precisely what sort of response they will receive from their parents. The roles are clear and it makes it easier for everyone to understand their role.

In the workplace, we need to know who is in charge, what our job responsibilities are and just what is expected of us. When we fulfill that role satisfactorily, we are rewarded. The satisfaction of a job well done, respect and appreciation of our professional superiors and peers, and of course a paycheck.

Now this is of course an incredible simplification. Animals and people are much more complicated than this short article could ever describe. Still, we have to start somewhere. I like to start at the beginning, it’s easier for me. This means a few basics. Self-care; I will continue to take care of myself well so that I am more likely to be in the frame of mind to be fair and friendly to the humans and animals in my life. This includes Reiki, exercise, etc. I think of the simple methods that I am using with the dogs as life coaching for them and myself. It helps me to remember that it’s important that we all remain positive, calm and appreciative for positive results.

This week I encourage you to think about the role that you have taken on, is it a good fit? If not, what can you shift in your life so that you are more comfortable? When we are comfortable, we tend to be much happier. When we are happier, we bring about better results, which makes us more comfortable. And so we move forward, learning, enjoying and evolving a bit everyday.

Warmly,
Sandy

The Shack

Monday, August 17th, 2009

I read a wonderful book the other day. It had been recommended and even loaned to me by one of my favorite life coaching clients. ‘The Shack’ by Wm. Paul Young spoke to me on many levels.

As a life coach I encourage clients to acknowledge and appreciate their faith, if they do indeed believe in a higher power. This book tells the true story of a man who lived through a brutal childhood. Later he married and had children, settling into a wonderful if somewhat ordinary life. God as he knew him was pretty unavailable and not someone he felt that he could count on. Tragically this man experienced a horror that is every parent’s nightmare. Sometime later, this man is invited up to a place referred simply as the shack. During his time at the shack his life changed forever.

I’m not going to tell you too much more because I do not believe I can do the story justice.

Reading this book helped me to deal with many questions. Maybe predictably, it prompted many more questions as well. Most of all it reminded me of the connection I feel with my God and reminded me that it doesn’t have to be all that complicated. It’s really pretty straight forward, a relationship of love and trust. Beginning, middle and end.

Why do I feel the need to share this with you? Because I think we all need something that we believe in and depend upon. For me this is my faith. Life coaching and Reiki have both helped me to become much clearer about my faith. Each has helped me to eliminate some of the junk that I always associated with faith. For me this process has been simple yet incredibly profound.

I encourage both life coaching and Reiki clients to take a bit of time each day to meditate. Time to simply be. When I do this it helps me to clear my mind and open my heart to ideas, thoughts and feelings. Sometimes these thoughts and feelings are new to me. Often they are old thoughts or emotions that I had sort of shelved in the past. Now when I give them a bit of time, they are more easily dealt with, as I simply ponder them from a detached point of view. I’m not consistent about meditating every day at a certain time or place, but I expect to get better about it with time. I know that it has served me well and I absolutely appreciate that fact.

For today I hope that you are able to take a few minutes to spend all by yourself in peace and quiet. Not thinking, just being. I hope that this will help you to find a bit of peace and guidance.

For a very good read which just may change your life, I strongly recommend reading ‘The Shack’. I know I’ll be buying several copies and keeping them on my lending bookshelf. This book is too important not to share, which is why I just shared with you.

Warmly,
Sandy

Peace at Last

Saturday, July 25th, 2009

My father died on Friday, December 29, 2006. It was much more painful than I expected.

My father and mother divorced when I was very young. My mom soon married again to the man who raised me, the man I have always considered and referred to me as my dad.

I was raised to respect and care about my father. While I grew up in Wisconsin he lived and worked in Louisiana. Generally I saw him once a year, though sometimes it was less often. He made regular phone calls while I was growing up and I’m sure he did the best he could to build a relationship. But as you might expect it was never as close as I somehow thought it should be and always hoped it would become.

I grew up, married and had a family of my own. My father continued to call fairly regularly and to visit when he would be in the area. As he had been raised in northern Wisconsin he made visits to the Milwaukee area most years.

This was always a tough relationship, looking back I think it was tough for both of us. There’s no doubt that I could have and should have tried harder on my end. I always thought that he could have and probably should have tried more as well. Sadly, when I think about it now, I realize that I had no idea how to bring about the relationship I desired or if I even knew what I wanted. I always just sort of felt that there was something missing. Frankly, I don’t know even now if he was satisfied with the way things were either, or if he thought there should be more as well.

My father’s two younger brothers died a few years before him. After their deaths I had the strong feeling that he was much more aware of his mortality. He definitely made more of an effort to connect with me and my grown children than he ever had before. He spent a few weeks at a time in Wisconsin and made much more of an effort to connect. While I appreciated this effort, and we had some very good times, the truth is that it was often very strained. Still it was progress.

The phone call came in September of 2006. My father told me that he had terminal cancer. I knew it was now or never. We kept in touch much more frequently and I drove down to Louisiana to spend a few weeks with him. I’m so glad that I did. Still, in the manner of people who have full hearts but do not feel comfortable expressing their emotions to one another, we left much unsaid.

When I learned of his death I thought that I would be able to close that particular chapter of my life. We had cared about one another, but truly not known each other as well as we probably could have. I really believed that it would be a matter of shedding some quiet tears and saying goodbye. Wrong.

What I found out was that I cared much more deeply than I knew. I relived and experienced feelings of loss and grief from my childhood on. I thought about the experiences that we had missed out on, the fact that he hadn’t attended my wedding and had never held any of my children when they were babies. I had to acknowledge the anger and resentment that I had felt at never feeling like I was a priority in his life. I had to acknowledge these feelings and allow myself to truly feel them before I was able to let them go. Of course that meant that I also had to acknowledge my feelings of shame and guilt, I had to honestly take ownership of my part in this relationship. The finger pointing and blame game was not acceptable anymore. It was important to acknowledge and apologize for not making my feelings clear to him while he was still here.

Reiki helped me so much as I went through this process. After I went through the blame and anger I was finally able to acknowledge that someplace deep inside I had always known that my father really did love me very deeply. He simply did not demonstrate it in the manner I had somehow expected. Receiving Reiki on a regular basis and practicing life coaching skills helped me to move into a place of love and forgiveness, for both of us. To be honest, it took an awful lot of thinking about him, praying and meditating to be sure that he was aware now in the afterlife that I had always had very deep affection for him as well. Eventually, I was able to come to a place of peace.

So, here I am. More than two and a half years later I am now able to think about my father and smile. The bitterness, anger and hurt needed to be allowed, acknowledged and finally released. Now there are the feelings of forgiveness and acceptance for both of us. There is acknowledgment that few people live storybook lives where emotions and feelings are demonstrated to the expectation and satisfaction of all involved. Most of us feel that others should say or do things in a different manner to be most effective, but emotions and feelings are complicated and the should of, could of is irrelevant in the end. That’s just life.

I have no doubt that some of these feelings will resurface from time to time. Occasions of one sort or another may make me think about the way things actually happened or the way I wish they had been. But now they are much easier for me to deal with. I realize that while we both had our shortcomings, we actually did the very best that we could at the time. I have no way of knowing what was in his mind or heart in the past, but I am sure and always have been sure that he only wanted the best for me. That makes memories and resurfacing emotions much easier to allow, and to move through with love, forgiveness and blessings.

For me, it’s very important to remember that my memory is selective at best. My thoughts and emotions at the moment have always colored my memories and they always will. I can’t change the past, so I choose to appreciate and be grateful for the lessons I have learned. I choose to live in the moment. At the moment I choose to feel good. I choose to forgive myself and others. I choose to love. I choose peace at last.

I wish you a day of forgiving and allowing yourself to be forgiven. I wish you a day of love and blessings. I wish you a day of peace.

Warmly,
Sandy

Attitude Adjustment

Saturday, July 18th, 2009

I seem to recall that in the 80′s the phrase ‘attitude adjustment’ was used again and again. I’m not sure why it went away.

In the real estate world, I’ve learned that agents, buyers and sellers say that everything is location, location, location. I’m convinced that in the real world everything is attitude, attitude, attitude.

This is proven to me again and again. One of my favorite clients just announced that she has just completed her best fiscal year ever. She isn’t devoting more time to her business, she’s still the most devoted wife and mom and her church isn’t seeing any less of her either. What’s changed? Her attitude! She expects to bring in more abundance and prosperity, in all facets of her life. And she is doing just that. We continue her coaching sessions and she has added Reiki to her sessions as well as she has also discovered that self-care makes her more relaxed and more productive as well.

On a day to day basis life happens. We always have two options regarding any situation, no matter how dire or fabulous the situation may appear at first glance. We can celebrate the good, or positive aspects of the circumstances or we can bemoan the negative. This applies in all circumstances.

Yesterday, just about every bit of electronics that I own broke down or mal-functioned in some way or another. I couldn’t seem to find the directions to forward calls on my cell phone, then a few hours later it crashed altogether. No cell. My son had completely crashed and reconstructed my laptop less than a week ago, all cleared of viruses. Yesterday it was struck by another virus. It kept going down. For the life of me it seemed that I wasn’t able to figure out how to work the DVD player or the VCR. Two options. Get frustrated and upset, which wouldn’t have solved any of the above. Or enjoy a cup of tea and read one of the books I have around from one of my favorite authors. Guess which I decided to do.

Today, I am assured that the cell phone is covered under insurance and my virus protection found the virus for my computer, isolated and removed. Getting upset yesterday would have made me feel lousy and it wouldn’t have changed the situation. In other words a rotten attitude would simply have resulted in a rotten evening. Instead I enjoyed my book very much, and the tea eventually became a relaxing glass of wine. A quiet evening spent doing one of my favorite things with the dogs. Just what I needed. I woke up refreshed and relaxed today. In fact, I felt so good that I decided today would be more of the same. The only electronic time today is spent writing this blog. I am feeling blessed and grateful today.

We are always with the options of attitude regarding our circumstances. It’s that simple. My step-father, the man I’ve always called Dad, broke his neck and became a quadriplegic at the age of 29. He and my mother decided that wasn’t the end of life. He recovered enough to come home and raise children. She went to nursing school, something she had wanted to do all her life. They used the opportunity to benefit all of us, in fact my dad still refers to each day as a bonus. My parents are amazing life coaches.

This doesn’t mean that there are not frustrations, aggravations or grief in our lives. However, we have the choice to move through these emotions and reach for a slightly better feeling every time we experience them. Attitude counts.

I would encourage you to stop several times a day, notice how you are feeling, what sort of thoughts are going through your mind and what words are coming out of your mouth. If they are harsh, unkind or simply negative I would encourage you to take a few moments. Think and feel your way to a slightly better feeling, a slightly kinder approach. Adjust your attitude and I’m willing to bet your entire life will become just a little bit better.

I wish you a fabulous day and it will be if you choose to see it in just that way.

Warmly,
Sandy

Another Lesson from Indiana

Saturday, July 11th, 2009

I’ve written here about my buddy Indiana before. He’s the charming, good looking, friendly and ever so clever boxer dog who lives with my husband and me. Indy will be five years old in just a few weeks, so he’s now officially a middle-aged gentleman in the boxer world. All my life I’ve had the privilege of living with dogs and they have always had so much to teach me. Indy is no exception.

Recently our son Jeff who lives in Los Angeles decided he really wanted a dog to keep him company. He’s been raised with boxers and really missed Indy, so he adopted a boxer that he named Duke. Duke is a big, beautiful boy, friendly and very mellow, somewhere between 1 and 2 years old. The rescue wasn’t sure of his age as they had no idea where he originally came from. This dog seemed perfect to live with Jeff and so they went home together.

They bonded instantly and became best buddies. The problem is that Duke couldn’t get over the noise and constant activity of LA. The poor guy actually started loosing his hair. After consulting a behaviorist, veterinarian and trainer who each independently told Jeff that Duke was clearly not going to adjust to being an urban dog, Jeff decided to re home his buddy. So, he made arrangements for Duke to go to Texas to live with his elder brother Bill and his wife Felicia. The only problem is that they could not take him for 3 months and Duke clearly could not stay in LA, his stress level was just escalating.

Road trip! Duke and Jeff made their way across the USA to Milwaukee. Duke is going to hang with us until Bill and Felicia are able to take him home in a few months. All of this is well and good, we were pretty sure Indy would be happy to have a friend for a few months as he’s always done well with doggy company. But Duke has little or no experience with other dogs, so we really didn’t know how this would go.

I should have known that I could trust the dogs, particularly Indy to handle the situation perfectly. From the moment Duke walked into the yard, Indy reined in his normally exuberant behavior, walked over to Duke and in their silent language invited his new pal to stroll through the yard with him and look it all over. Duke was only slightly hesitant. Indy was calm and patient, luring him when Duke was shy and playing a bit now and then when Duke showed a bit more interest.

This has been going on for a few days now. I’ve been walking them together each day so that Duke is more comfortable with me when Jeff leaves and to of course reinforce his training and give them both needed exercise. The life coach in me is pleased and somewhat surprised to see that the doggy training continues between the two of them regardless of what I do. They walk on opposite sides of me, but Duke is still watching Indy and taking all of his cues from him. In the house they are also learning about one another. Indy continues to lure his new friend into the occasional game of chase or tug, exhibiting patience that I did not for a moment expect from him. Meal time is interesting as well. Duke is a big boy; a bit underweight and not filled out yet. As such he eats considerably more than Indiana. They get separate bowls and when Duke is finished he invariably heads over to Indy’s bowl. He will gently and politely put his face near the bowl. If Indy is done he will back off and let Duke finish the food. If Indy is not done he simply pushes Duke away with a short growl that says ‘not now buddy’ and Duke quietly goes about his business.

I refer to the coaching lessons that they are both teaching me; because it strikes me that they are teaching me every moment that I watch them together. Indiana is a terrific life coach to Duke. He is patient but he also clearly has expectations. He will lure or invite Duke to do certain things, if Duke accepts they work on it together, like playing with a tug toy, a totally new experience for Duke. If Duke refuses, Indy simply walks away without taking it at all personally. He simply tries something else a bit later. What a great life coach! Indy offers, suggests, provokes just a little bit. Then he waits to see the results. If they are pleasing he lures and asks for a bit more. If the results are not successful, he tries something else. Have I mentioned that I think my Indy is a bit of a genius? lol

Both dogs are of course receiving Reiki everyday. It’s simply part of the daily routine around here. I strongly believe that Reiki is much of the reason that Indy has made such an amazing physical recovery from his stroke a few months ago. I can only imagine how it has helped him mentally, emotionally and spiritually. Of course I want Duke to enjoy the same benefits as much as possible. He’s a very special dog and deserves to know the love and benefits of people who care about him very much. Reiki is part of that experience while he’s involved with this family.

Once again, I’d like to thank the animals in my life for the simple yet profound lessons that they teach me again and again. They keep the lessons easy and straightforward. That’s greatly appreciated and I will keep applying these lessons learned while I work with my own holistic life coaching clients.

This week I encourage you to take a bit of time. Observe the animals in your life. Maybe they’re your pets, or even the squirrels and birds in the yard. It doesn’t take long to realize they are all teaching us and if we pay attention we can learn an awful lot.

Warmly,
Sandy

Black History Month

Saturday, February 14th, 2009

February is Black History Month. It’s a month when hopefully we are all learning a bit more about American history in full,and the amazing contributions that have been made by our African American citizens. It’s also a time to acknowledge the struggle that they have fought to get to where they are today. This is not about blame or recriminations, it’s about learning from the past so that we may make positive steps into the future.

I’m blessed to know a wonderful woman named Barbie. I don’t know her well, but I like her more and more each time that I have the opportunity to spend time with her. She’s smart, loving and a lot of fun. In short, Barbie is an incredible person. Recently I began to realize that she is also an amazing mom. She sent me an email, telling me a bit about her daughter Allyn and granddaughter Buchanan. It seems that Allyn has decided to teach her daughter who is only three years old about the history of her heritage. In addition to television, books and what she will undoubtedly learn in school, they do a skit everyday. Every day! This is brilliant! This lucky little girl is learning from her mom in ways that she can understand and will remember throughout her life.

As a holistic life coach, I realize and appreciate that we all learn in different ways. Allyn is taking the time to introduce the world and American history to her daughter with love and accuracy. By making learning fun, Allyn is not only enjoying the time she spends with Buchanan, but she is making sure that Buchanan understands exactly what the world is about, in terms that she can easily understand. Allyn is my hero for the day, kudos to her and the mom who has taught her so much.

The truth is that we live in a complicated world. Even here in Milwaukee, Wisconsin, life is not as simple and straight forward as some of us would like to pretend. Our city, state and country are made up of many cultures, many injustices and an awful lot of pain. We can most easily move forward by acknowledging these injustices and pain. Teach each every generation where we have come from; give them the tools to move forward with hope for the future. I believe that is what Ms. Allyn is doing with her lovely daughter Buchanan.

I’m honored to know Barbie and I hope at some point to meet Allyn and Buchanan as well. Thank you for sharing with me. You ladies are fine examples for how we all can move forward in this complicated world.

Wishing you a fabulous day of learning and growth.

With warmth,
Sandy

Thanks Indy!

Saturday, January 17th, 2009

Indy in deep thought.

If you’ve ever read my blog before, or taken a walk through my website, you probably know quite a bit about me. You know that I live in Milwaukee, Wisconsin, beautiful but brrrrrrrr cold today. You know that I’m a holistic life coach, that I believe it’s impossible to compartmentalize our lives all that much. And you probably know that I live with a dog. Not just a dog, but a DOG. Indiana, who was named for the movie character Indiana Jones, is a very good representative of the boxer breed. He’s a very pretty boy, with a wonderful smooshy face that actually smiles when he’s happy. Energetic, friendly, playful and loving, he’s also lazy, sweet, cuddly and communicates his happiness or disappointment very clearly. It turns out that Indy also teaches me, on an almost daily basis.

Recently a friend of mine visited. Along with her came her wonderful vizslas. Her boy is named Tugger and her sweet little girl is Max. Now Tugger and Max had never been to my home before, so while they were enthusiastic to go somewhere new they were also a bit shy about meeting a new friend in a new home. Indy was just beside himself. He’s usually very exuberant about meeting new dogs and while generally polite, has been known to offer a few boxer punches to get the play going. Apparently this time, Indy was able to understand the caution of his guests. What followed was very interesting and once again reminded me of some very clear lessons.

All of the dogs went into the back yard. Max and Tugger began exploring, but ignoring Indy. Meanwhile Indy went into serious play mode. In the doggy world it’s polite to ask another dog to play and then to wait for a response. This is what an exuberant Indiana did. He ran all around Tugger and Max, he offered play bows and then waited at a polite distance for a response. Indy tossed his toys their way and did everything he could to entice a game of chase or wrestling. Meanwhile Max and Tugger became more comfortable with the yard and house. They got closer to Indy but didn’t engage in play. Eventually all three dogs came into the house and settled into naps in the same room.

Why did I tell you all of this? Besides telling you that I’m very pleased about my Indiana showing good doggy manners, I also think that the dogs were demonstrating very clear lessons. Indy was offering friendship and playtime, he even offered his toys. Max and Tugger were a bit shy but still friendly and very polite. They did not snarl or growl, they simply told Indy that they weren’t quite ready for that kind of closeness. None of them took it personally! For me that was the lesson. It sounds simple enough, but it can be quite hard to learn and even harder to actually practice.

Here we go, life coach lesson time. Don’t take anything personally. When Indy made the offer to play it was not accepted by Max or Tugger. That didn’t have anything to do with Indiana personally; it had to do with their not being familiar with the house, yard or Indy. Indy didn’t take it as a personal rebuff; he simply understood that they had their own stuff to work through. Wow! It sounds simple enough, but it’s really huge. Did you ever say hello to someone who didn’t respond? Or who didn’t respond in a friendly manner? It’s tough sometimes to remember that we have no idea what’s going on in that person’s life at the moment. Maybe they have a problem that they can’t shake, maybe they simply didn’t hear. We don’t know. At the same time if we take it personally, we make have our feelings hurt and we could become angry or sad. Why? It had nothing to do with us personally. When we are able to realize that what others say and do has nothing to do with us, that it really is all about them, going through day to day interactions becomes much easier.

So, next time you are in the grocery store and someone is rude or unfriendly, try not to take it personally or to respond in kind. Keep in mind that that person may have something heavy on their mind and let it go. You’ll feel better and you will not have done anything to make the other person’s day worse, you may well have helped them to feel slightly better by your neutral or kind manner.

That’s it. Once again Indy and his new pals reminded me of a very simple yet very powerful lesson. Don’t take anything personally. Thanks Indy, Tugger and Max, I really appreciate it.

Wishing you a fabulous day filled with simple, sweet reminders of this lesson.

With warmth,
Sandy